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forrest gump
(Preview)
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you I musttell you, t...
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mike and Judy
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1
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936
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the day they almost got gays into the navy
(Preview)
the royal navy had a brainwave and decided to ease the restrictions on induction to try to bolster their numbers it was decided to let gay men in day one was a swimming and survival test to see how long the new recruits could tread water the instructor ordered the first man into the tank left him there for t...
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dave06
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0
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689
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Sure fired Weight Loss Program
(Preview)
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day/5-kilogram weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representa...
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Wombat 280
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0
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1117
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self explanitory
(Preview)
"Be Buggered If I Can See Any Resemblance. ."
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dave06
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9
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1238
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not sure if you know these
(Preview)
did you hear about the gay outlaw................. rode into town and shot up the sherriff..................... a cowboy wearing paper boots..............paper hat...................paper chaps,................. paper trousers and a paper shirt.................... was arrested .....
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dave06
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1
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1010
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tonto and the lone ranger ride again
(Preview)
tonto was tracking a wild man when he suddenly sat up and said to the lone ranger "buffallo come" suitably impressed the lone ranger said.............. "how can you know that " to which tonto replied ...................."EAR STICKY"......................
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dave06
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3
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1025
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Alternative to Breast Implant Surgery
(Preview)
A lady with rather small breast but a very large buttocks region goes into the doctors rooms . Doctor asked want can I do for you . Well Dr I want a breast implant and I was considering having you take some off my buttocks and implanting it in my breast. Dr looks at her rather large rear end and said , I h...
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Wombat 280
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1
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1001
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tonto and the lone ranger
(Preview)
tonto was looking very penchant and suddenly stated to the lone ranger that a train had definately pssed this way very recently the lone ranger was very impressed at tonto being able to tell that at such a long distance he had to ask how tonto could possibly know that his reply was.......................
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dave06
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1
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1004
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TWO WOODPECKERS
(Preview)
A Mexian woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted the challenge and promptly pecked a hole in a tree with no problem. the Mex...
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drongo & wendy
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2
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1166
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Miss leading Cases
(Preview)
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your hus...
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Basil Faulty
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3
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927
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A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
(Preview)
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Alt...
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NannyMon
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1
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1139
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Friends
(Preview)
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at m...
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NannyMon
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0
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850
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Church Organist
(Preview)
Church Organist There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted Organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said s...
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NannyMon
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0
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919
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RETARDED GRANDPARENTS
(Preview)
RETARDED GRANDPARENTS - (this was actually reported by a teacher) After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Gr...
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NannyMon
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1
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1140
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INTERESTING FACTS
(Preview)
Interesting facts that you really don't need to know. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you passed wind consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an ato...
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sgntbilko
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1
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1374
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Confession
(Preview)
A young Irish chap goes to confession and says to the priest "Forgive me father for I have sinned" "And what is your sin my son?" replies the priest "Last night I had unprotected sex with a girl." says the chap "That is a very serious sin, my son, tell me who was the g...
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JRH
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0
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981
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pets and there owners
(Preview)
Dear dogs and cats, the dishes with the paw marks are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my food dosent stake a claim to it, and nor do i find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not built by NASCAR and is no...
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drongo & wendy
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1
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856
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Anger Management Therapy
(Preview)
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.. A man...
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Basil Faulty
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4
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1045
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on the subject of age
(Preview)
A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding.. Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman...
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mike and Judy
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0
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889
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Fer the luv o'the Irish
(Preview)
You Gotta Love The IrishThe Errand McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me", said a customer, who w...
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Roostertales
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2
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1211
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