Just Joking

Ma · Ma

We've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well we are fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine. Mind you there is still a lot or research to be done and althoug...

kenglenn11 · kenglenn11

The Blonde & The Heart Attack A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting..... 'What's up?' she asks. 'I think I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.. The...

suenami · suenami

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the >> sky >> clouded above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you >> have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' >> >> The biker pulled over and said, 'Bui...

suenami · suenami

At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.' 'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?' 'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead' 'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International compe...

reza · reza

The Divorced Barbie Doll One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers his daughter's Christmas gift. He stops by a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Wor...

suenami · suenami

I went to the cemetery yesterday and there were four pall bearers walking around with a coffin. Three hours later they were still walking around with it.I thought to myself:These bastards have lost the plot.

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

Two female council workers where hard at it one digging a hole and the second filling it in. They work up one side of the road and down the other one digging one filling in . Local resident was so impressed by their unrelenting efforts without a break he approached the two women to praise their work ethic...

Firefly · Firefly

Whateveryour politics, I thinkyou'll get ! a kick out of this! Alittle boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Govern...

Rolly · Rolly

Definitely not PC, but what a hoot! http://englishatheist.org/pooh.shtml Pass me another incontinence pad, please.

Ma · Ma

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised?" "Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty...

Firefly · Firefly

For all of us who are seniors - for all of you who know seniors - and for all of you who will be seniors.. It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are! And, speaking of senior moments: "WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?" The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to kno...

reza · reza

What Religion is Your Bra? A man walked into the ladiesdepartment of Myer's and shyly walkedup to the womanbehindthe counter and said,'I'd liketo buy a brafor mywife.' 'What type of bra?' asked the clerk. 'Type?' inquires the man,'There's more than one type?' 'Look around,' saidthesaleslady...

Firefly · Firefly

Beer- A Worrying Thought! This is alarming Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, April 2009, SydneyUniversity and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned lo...

Firefly · Firefly

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.. Th...

Firefly · Firefly

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner... The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prosti...

Basil Faulty · Basil Faulty

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he ra...

Firefly · Firefly

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to mar...

Ma · Ma

While attending a Marriage Awareness Weekend, John and Mary listened to the instructor declare It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the men. Can you each name your wifes favorite flower? Robert leaned over, touched Marys arm gently a...

Ma · Ma

Lovemaking tips for Seniors1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 4. Make sure you put 000 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your ha...

Rolly · Rolly

There's a certain "Sporting" club that I know of where the membership demographic is a bit on the "pellicularly faded" and "folicularly challenged" side. The members are, at times, reluctant to admit to their advancing years and concomitant loss of 'youthful at...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	RETIREMENT (Preview) We've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well we are fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine. Mind you there is still a lot or research to be done and althoug...	Ma	1	826	07:42 PM Sep 25, 2009 by Gary and Kerry
	Heart Attack (Preview) The Blonde & The Heart Attack A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting..... 'What's up?' she asks. 'I think I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.. The...	kenglenn11	0	667	05:27 PM Sep 25, 2009 by kenglenn11
	Understanding Women (Preview) A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the >> sky >> clouded above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you >> have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' >> >> The biker pulled over and said, 'Bui...	suenami	0	928	10:18 AM Sep 25, 2009 by suenami
	Your parrot is dead, Senor (Preview) At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.' 'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?' 'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead' 'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International compe...	suenami	1	888	08:57 AM Sep 25, 2009 by Firefly
	Barbie (Preview) The Divorced Barbie Doll One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers his daughter's Christmas gift. He stops by a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Wor...	reza	0	763	10:36 PM Sep 24, 2009 by reza
	4 Pall Bearers (Preview) I went to the cemetery yesterday and there were four pall bearers walking around with a coffin. Three hours later they were still walking around with it.I thought to myself:These bastards have lost the plot.	suenami	1	807	10:27 PM Sep 24, 2009 by Ma
	Truely Blonde (Preview) Two female council workers where hard at it one digging a hole and the second filling it in. They work up one side of the road and down the other one digging one filling in . Local resident was so impressed by their unrelenting efforts without a break he approached the two women to praise their work ethic...	Wombat 280	0	864	09:41 PM Sep 24, 2009 by Wombat 280
	Politics (Preview) Whateveryour politics, I thinkyou'll get ! a kick out of this! Alittle boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Govern...	Firefly	0	768	07:11 PM Sep 24, 2009 by Firefly
	Pooh goes ape (Preview) Definitely not PC, but what a hoot! http://englishatheist.org/pooh.shtml Pass me another incontinence pad, please.	Rolly	0	813	04:30 PM Sep 24, 2009 by Rolly
	THE BATHTUB TEST (Preview) During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised?" "Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty...	Ma	0	733	12:51 PM Sep 24, 2009 by Ma
	Sunday Paper (Preview) For all of us who are seniors - for all of you who know seniors - and for all of you who will be seniors.. It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are! And, speaking of senior moments: "WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?" The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to kno...	Firefly	1	967	09:51 PM Sep 23, 2009 by suenami
	What Religion is Your Bra? (Preview) What Religion is Your Bra? A man walked into the ladiesdepartment of Myer's and shyly walkedup to the womanbehindthe counter and said,'I'd liketo buy a brafor mywife.' 'What type of bra?' asked the clerk. 'Type?' inquires the man,'There's more than one type?' 'Look around,' saidthesaleslady...	reza	0	972	03:39 PM Sep 23, 2009 by reza
	BEER: A Worrying Thought. (Preview) Beer- A Worrying Thought! This is alarming Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, April 2009, SydneyUniversity and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned lo...	Firefly	0	650	07:32 AM Sep 23, 2009 by Firefly
	Tickle Me Elmo (Preview) There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.. Th...	Firefly	0	718	01:15 PM Sep 22, 2009 by Firefly
	The Parrot (Preview) A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner... The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prosti...	Firefly	0	735	09:24 AM Sep 22, 2009 by Firefly
	Guido the Italian Lover (Preview) A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he ra...	Basil Faulty	0	705	05:58 PM Sep 21, 2009 by Basil Faulty
	Aunty Sharon (Preview) *A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.* The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to mar...	Firefly	2	899	01:19 PM Sep 19, 2009 by Wombat 280
	CELIBACY (Preview) While attending a Marriage Awareness Weekend, John and Mary listened to the instructor declare It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the men. Can you each name your wifes favorite flower? Robert leaned over, touched Marys arm gently a...	Ma	3	974	06:49 PM Sep 18, 2009 by Gary and Kerry
	TIPS FOR SENIORS (Preview) Lovemaking tips for Seniors1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 4. Make sure you put 000 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your ha...	Ma	1	707	10:31 PM Sep 15, 2009 by DellieMay
	Re. Is this true grey nomads are thieves? (Preview) There's a certain "Sporting" club that I know of where the membership demographic is a bit on the "pellicularly faded" and "folicularly challenged" side. The members are, at times, reluctant to admit to their advancing years and concomitant loss of 'youthful at...	Rolly	0	663	12:59 PM Sep 13, 2009 by Rolly
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