Just Joking

Roostertales · Roostertales

A fella comes into his vet in tears holding his apparently dead dog and says "doc you gotta help me - I luv him dearly is there anything you can for him ?" (by the way readers I am adlibbing this a bit) The vet who can obviously see the dog is dear departed says "well ok bring him in here and put...

Roostertales · Roostertales

. Wife from Hell A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.The driver says, Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: Now dont be silly dear, you k...

sgntbilko · sgntbilko

So, here's the story. . . Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in anunhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problemsby taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the Beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch wi...

dave06 · dave06

a lecturer was standing in front of a group of women trying to give a lecture on involuntary spasms within the human body having tried to gain the noisy and disruptive class time and time again with no success he finally cracked walking over to one of the noisier women in the front row he asked the questio...

drongo & wendy · drongo & wendy

Alocal policeman had just finished and was at home with his misses. You wont believe what happened this evening, in all my years in the force iv never seen anything like it. 'Yes dear what happened" I came accros two blokes down by the river, one was drinking battery acid and th...

Roostertales · Roostertales

Flogging a dead horse Young Kevin, moved to Canberra and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' Kevin replied, 'Well,then just give me my money back.' Th...

Roostertales · Roostertales

INSTALLING A HUSBAND Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstall...

Mike47 · Mike47

Question: What's a Hindu? Kiwi answer: Lay's iggs

Roostertales · Roostertales

The Centrelink Office. A long - haired kiwi walked into the local Centrelink office to pick up his dole cheque. He marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing the dole. I'd really rather have a job.' The Centrelink girl behind the counter said, ' Your timing is exce...

drongo & wendy · drongo & wendy

A professer at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntry Muscular Contractions' to his first year students. Realising this was not the most riviting subject, the Professer decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young women in the front row and said, 'do u know what y...

sgntbilko · sgntbilko

CREDIT CRUNCH. Dear employees, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selecte...

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

DUE TO WORLD FINANCIAL CRISIS AND BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW OFFICE EFFECTIVE APRIL 1, 2009 NEW OFFICE POLICY Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financia...

sgntbilko · sgntbilko

LIFE IN THE 1500'S ** The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their ye...

sgntbilko · sgntbilko

Better than a Flu Shot! Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness And kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor Came to call on her and she showed him...

sgntbilko · sgntbilko

What Starts with F and ends with K? A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'msmarter than she is! I think I shouldbe in the 3rd gra...

Roostertales · Roostertales

Important Information on the Stimulus Payment This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: "Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? "A. It is money that the federal governme...

mike and Judy · mike and Judy

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper be...

dave06 · dave06

this was sent to me by a lovely lady whom shall remain nameless, but it is too funny to leave it out Magic Sandals A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeep...

Roostertales · Roostertales

THE WEDDING NIGHT Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if F...

Xtrail51 · Xtrail51

Subject: FW: WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS Dear Robert, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than 5 miles down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back hom...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Heard this on 774 am this morning - a dog story (Preview) A fella comes into his vet in tears holding his apparently dead dog and says "doc you gotta help me - I luv him dearly is there anything you can for him ?" (by the way readers I am adlibbing this a bit) The vet who can obviously see the dog is dear departed says "well ok bring him in here and put...	Roostertales	1	1091	07:02 PM Mar 4, 2009 by sgntbilko
	wife from hell !!!! (Preview) . Wife from Hell A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.The driver says, Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: Now dont be silly dear, you k...	Roostertales	1	1430	06:55 PM Mar 3, 2009 by sgntbilko
	MURDER AT WOOLWORTHS (Preview) So, here's the story. . . Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in anunhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problemsby taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the Beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch wi...	sgntbilko	4	1514	06:51 PM Mar 3, 2009 by sgntbilko
	a bit crude but funny nonetheless (Preview) a lecturer was standing in front of a group of women trying to give a lecture on involuntary spasms within the human body having tried to gain the noisy and disruptive class time and time again with no success he finally cracked walking over to one of the noisier women in the front row he asked the questio...	dave06	0	1081	11:39 AM Mar 1, 2009 by dave06
	A DAY AS A COPPER (Preview) Alocal policeman had just finished and was at home with his misses. You wont believe what happened this evening, in all my years in the force iv never seen anything like it. 'Yes dear what happened" I came accros two blokes down by the river, one was drinking battery acid and th...	drongo & wendy	0	1155	09:46 AM Mar 1, 2009 by drongo & wendy
	Flogging a dead 'orse (Preview) Flogging a dead horse Young Kevin, moved to Canberra and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' Kevin replied, 'Well,then just give me my money back.' Th...	Roostertales	2	1320	09:49 AM Feb 28, 2009 by dave06
	I.T. for new wives (Preview) INSTALLING A HUSBAND Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstall...	Roostertales	0	1174	09:38 PM Feb 27, 2009 by Roostertales
	Kiwi Joke (Preview) Question: What's a Hindu? Kiwi answer: Lay's iggs	Mike47	4	1462	09:32 PM Feb 27, 2009 by Roostertales
	Kiwi bashing (Preview) The Centrelink Office. A long - haired kiwi walked into the local Centrelink office to pick up his dole cheque. He marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing the dole. I'd really rather have a job.' The Centrelink girl behind the counter said, ' Your timing is exce...	Roostertales	1	1731	08:56 AM Feb 27, 2009 by sgntbilko
	The Professer (Preview) A professer at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntry Muscular Contractions' to his first year students. Realising this was not the most riviting subject, the Professer decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young women in the front row and said, 'do u know what y...	drongo & wendy	2	1278	09:21 PM Feb 25, 2009 by Wombat 280
	CREDIT CRUNCH (Preview) CREDIT CRUNCH. Dear employees, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selecte...	sgntbilko	2	1344	09:42 PM Feb 24, 2009 by Wombat 280
	Retire Early to Avoid Policy Changes (Preview) DUE TO WORLD FINANCIAL CRISIS AND BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW OFFICE EFFECTIVE APRIL 1, 2009 NEW OFFICE POLICY Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financia...	Wombat 280	0	1430	09:35 PM Feb 24, 2009 by Wombat 280
	LIFE IN THE 1500's (Preview) LIFE IN THE 1500'S ** The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their ye...	sgntbilko	1	1524	05:43 PM Feb 21, 2009 by Roostertales
	FLU SHOT (Preview) Better than a Flu Shot! Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness And kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor Came to call on her and she showed him...	sgntbilko	1	1452	05:39 PM Feb 21, 2009 by Roostertales
	what starts with "F" and ends with a "k" (Preview) What Starts with F and ends with K? A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, *'Harry, what's your problem?'* Harry answered, *'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'msmarter than she is! I think I shouldbe in the 3rd gra...*	sgntbilko	0	1463	11:40 AM Feb 21, 2009 by sgntbilko
	Economic Stimulus package (Preview) Important Information on the Stimulus Payment This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: "Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? "A. It is money that the federal governme...	Roostertales	0	1130	10:39 AM Feb 20, 2009 by Roostertales
	a short love story (Preview) A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper be...	mike and Judy	1	1292	11:23 AM Feb 19, 2009 by Roostertales
	dont read if you are easily offended or have the mindset of a twelve year old (Preview) this was sent to me by a lovely lady whom shall remain nameless, but it is too funny to leave it out Magic Sandals A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeep...	dave06	9	1516	10:04 AM Feb 19, 2009 by Pam
	The honeymoon (Preview) THE WEDDING NIGHT Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if F...	Roostertales	1	1369	09:58 AM Feb 19, 2009 by Pam
	WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS (Preview) Subject: FW: WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS Dear Robert, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than 5 miles down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back hom...	Xtrail51	6	1526	12:54 PM Feb 18, 2009 by drongo & wendy
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