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GETTING OLDER
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Mike47
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1250
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Sunday paper...............
(Preview)
Subject: FW: The Sunday Paper The Sunday Paper Subject: FW: The Sunday PaperThe Sunday Paper For all of us who are seniors - for all of you who know seniors - And for all of you who will be seniors. It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are! And, speaking of senior moments: "WHERE is my SUNDAY pap...
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Xtrail51
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3
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1368
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Solution to the Middle East Problems
(Preview)
Three men - an Australian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Biker are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie. The Australian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also f...
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Basil Faulty
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1
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1178
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little johnny
(Preview)
One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants. The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?" Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there." "Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the t...
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Pickles
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0
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1058
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Little Johny
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Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby.. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears...
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sgntbilko
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1019
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kids
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No...
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Libby
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954
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and then the fight started
(Preview)
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, Whats on TV? I said, Dust. And then the fight started My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming nniversary. She said, I want something shiny that goes from to 150 in about 3 seconds. I bought her a set of scales. A...
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Libby
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1243
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Blonde in First Class
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On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." Not wanting t...
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Pickles
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1431
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unlucky golfer
(Preview)
a nun goes to confession and says forgive me father for i have sinned. i am guilty of using bad language. the priest says tell me how it happened my child the nun says well i was playing golf and i hit an amazing tee shot. but the ball hit a seagull and only went 40 yards. i see said the priest is this when you swo...
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Pickles
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2
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1066
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Gopher Granny
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Ethel was a bit of a demon in her gopher, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. One day E...
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Cruising Granny
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1584
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4 PALL BEARERS
(Preview)
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sgntbilko
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2
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1380
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Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State
(Preview)
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. ********** LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. ********** LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to...
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whoppa
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1183
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Getting Even
(Preview)
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight: starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet, who decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could co...
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Basil Faulty
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0
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1212
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Feel like a woman
(Preview)
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, r...
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Pickles
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2
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1265
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Paddy's first baseball game
(Preview)
Paddy just arrived in America from Ireland on holiday. Now, never having seen a baseball game before, he decides that now would be a good time. So, he goes to the park, and gets himself a bleacher seat. Now, Paddy sees a guy step up to the plate with a stick in his hand. The guy standing on the hump of dirt thr...
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NannyMon
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1090
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The Gunslinger
(Preview)
In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night...
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Basil Faulty
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2
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1294
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A man is almost about to die
(Preview)
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them." Hi...
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Pickles
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0
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989
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HAVE A GOOD LAUGH
(Preview)
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. At a ****tail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." A lady inserted an ad in the c...
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sgntbilko
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0
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1290
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What Else Can Go Wrong
(Preview)
Coincidence Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but.... 2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs aro...
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Wombat 280
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3
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1279
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Getting a hairdryer through customs...
(Preview)
Getting a hairdryer through customs... > > A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest > beside > her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' > > 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' > > 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mothe...
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sgntbilko
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932
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