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Basil Faulty


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My recent Doctor's prognosis
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Will I live to see 80? 

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
 
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
 
He asked , 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?
 
''Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
 
I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
 
Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
 
'No, I don't,' I said.
 
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
 
'No,' I said.
 
He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a damn?"


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dave06


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I protracted gas gangrene and golden staf as a fit and healthy 20 year old, it nearly took my right arm, my right little finger was swollen and gagrenous and absolutely stinking for quite a while, I asked my doctor whether I would be able to play the piano upon recovery, he answered with a big smile "of course you will be able to, you will have a complete recovery" to which I replied " ****, thats great, I couldnt play the mongrel bloody things before"

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twobob


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I too needed to speak with the Doctor recently - not something I look forward to doing at the best of times - but you see

My mate had just been bitten on the back side by a snake, while taking an ablution break. I called through to the flying doctor and described the situation. He told me to "suck out and spit out the poison" !! - I naturally asked what the options were - he said there is none - "Your mate will die if that is not done.

On returning to my mate, he asked what the doctor said.

All I could tell him, gently as I could - "you are about to die"

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twobob


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Just a quick note - my mate survived - turned out to be a female carpet python, and that was a love bite - she must have seen more than my mate was aware of.

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