"Some good news for the economy. President Bush went on a month-long vacation." Jay Leno

"President Bush said today that it is our job to vote. That's what he called it, a job. And considering how the economy is going, that may be the only job we have." Jay Leno

"President Bush hosted something called the President's Economic Forum down in Waco, Texas today. Waco. Apparently Jonestown and Guyana were booked up. When I think of government policy that works, Waco is the place to go. He invited members of small business to the summit. He was going to invite big business, but they're all in jail." Jay Leno

"There's now speculation in Washington that President Bush is now planning to increase the economic sanctions on Iraq. And let me tell you if they are half as tough as the economic sanctions Bush has imposed on this country, they are screwed." Jay Leno

"President Bush is leaving the White House for a vacation. He's taking a month off. Yeah, take a break, you deserve it. But aides say that while on vacation, Bush will continue to make two or three speeches a week to make sure that the market keeps crashing." Jay Leno

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are now? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street." Jay Leno

"The United States has developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market." Jay Leno