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Post Info TOPIC: Poms In the Outback ( Read at own Risk )
Wombat 280


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Poms In the Outback ( Read at own Risk )
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DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN IN NEWMAN, WESTERN AUSTRALIA

 

August 31

Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in

Newman, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live!

Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from

A deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my

New home. I love it here.

 

September 13

Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in

Air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.

What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a

Sun-worshipper.

 

September 30th

Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and

Rocks. No more mowing lawns for me.

Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

 

October 10th

The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to

This kind of heat?

At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatising

Is taking longer than I expected.

 

October 15th

Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my

Body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do!

Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

 

October 20th

Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work

This morning.

By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen

Up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.

The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat ****. I've learned my lesson

Though: no more pets in this heat.

 

October 25

This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant f*ckin' blow dryer.

And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the

Repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order

Parts from f*ckin' Perth.

 

October 30th

The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the

F*ckin' aircon.

 

Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000

House and we can't even go inside.

Why the hell did I ever come here?

 

November 4

Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature

Down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30.

Stupid repairman.

 

November 8

If one more smart arse says "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to

F*ckin' throttle him. F*ckin' heat!

By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes

Are soaking f*ckin' wet and I smell like baked cat!

 

November 9

Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black

Leather upholstery in the ol' car.

I thought my f*ckin' arse was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the

Hair on the backs of my legs and my f*ckin' arse.

Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!

 

November 10

Weather report! It might as well be a f*ckin' recording. Hot and sunny.

Hot and sunny, Hot and f*ckin' sunny!

It's been too hot to do anything for two f*ckin' months and the weatherman

Says it might really warm up next week.

Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f*ckin' place. Water restrictions will

Be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the

F*ckin' pool.

The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the f*ckin' flies. You

Don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the

****ers!

 

November 20th

Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 f*ckin' degrees today.

Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it

And said, "Hot enough for you today?"

My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail

For assaulting the stupid ****er.

F*ckin' Newman! What kind of sick, demented f*ckin' idiot would want to

Live here!

 

December 1

WHAT!!!! The first day of Summer!!!! You are f*ckin' kidding!

 



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Pets are welcome but children must be leashed at all times
drongo & wendy


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haha that has to amongst the best ive read.


glad i live in victoria lol

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demon dave
dave06


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how's that song go, "THIS IS AUSTRALIA" dont I love every inch of her!!!!

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 me, the dragon, & little blue,  never stop playing, live long,  laugh lots, travel far, give a stranger a smile, might just be your next best freind.  try to commit a random act of kindness everyday

 http://daventhedragon.blogspot.com
Xtrail51


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Wombat, I have an English friend who would appreciate this.  How do I get it out of here (jokes) to email it.  Would appreciate some help.  This is so good.  Cracked me up. 
Regards  Barb........confused

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No destination, just enjoy the journey.
dave06


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hey barb the easiest way is to "cut and paste" position your mouse flashy thingy just to the right of the start of the joke, press and hold left mouse button, drag across and down until you have the whole text highlighted, release left button and with the right button click right on the highlighted text, a set of preferences will come up, select copy, left click on that, you now have it in your "clipboard, go to your email and write it out as usual, when you want to insert the text just hit left button and choose "paste" and you now have it

__________________
 me, the dragon, & little blue,  never stop playing, live long,  laugh lots, travel far, give a stranger a smile, might just be your next best freind.  try to commit a random act of kindness everyday

 http://daventhedragon.blogspot.com
Wombat 280


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How did it go did you manage to copy and paste it ok.

I should have changed the font by highlighting the text and pasting it in to say Word and then change the font size after all that copy it back to the email you are sending in the smaller font. Sorry.

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Pets are welcome but children must be leashed at all times
mike and Judy


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I been there , and agree, but I think that was brilliant, sent it on to a lot of friends,

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Mike and Judy


enjoy your sunrises,we only have a limited number
dave06


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gday mike, welcome to the forum, sent it to a couple of my pommy mates as well

__________________
 me, the dragon, & little blue,  never stop playing, live long,  laugh lots, travel far, give a stranger a smile, might just be your next best freind.  try to commit a random act of kindness everyday

 http://daventhedragon.blogspot.com
Dragonfly


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Laughed till I cried... funniest thing I've read in ages... will be sending on to my friends also.
Morag

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