January
 
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
 
February 
 
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
 
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
 
March 
 
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said '2-4 years!'
 
April
 
Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!
 
May 
 
Tried to make Kool-Aid..wrong instructions....8 cups of
 
water won't fit into those little packets!!!
 
June
 
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
 
July 
 
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,  the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
 
August 
 
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
 
car swamped because soft-top was open.
 
September 
 
The capital ofCalifornia is 'C'.....isn't it???
 
October
 
Hate M & M's....they are so hard to peel
 
November  
 
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour
 
per pound and I weigh 108!!
 
December  
 
Couldn't call 911 ..... 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven'
Button on the stupid phone!!!  
 
 
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR 
 
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
 
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
 
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again,opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
 
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again,marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
 
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
 
To which she replied, 'There certainly is!' 
 
 
 My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'