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Post Info TOPIC: Computers - the basics
Basil Faulty


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Computers - the basics
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You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
  ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".............


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Rolly


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Gotta luv it !!!!


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twobob


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Sir Basil

That will live long after you, well done

To explain to people that computers are dumb, unless fed the correct information, is now easier, Thanks

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Wombat 280


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I still haven't worked out who was on 1st

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dave06


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thats right, who was on first!!!

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ibbo


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I dont know what brand of computers you all have,mine is bloody useless in the van.No place to plug in the gas pipe.Bit like the removalist in England,shifting an old type radiogram up some steep stairs having all kinds of problems,along comes the Blonde,"Switch it on to the Light Programme".Better explain back in the very old days in the UK I can only recall two wavebands,one was themedium wave and the other was the Light service,oh and yes there was BBC home service..............Well back to my carer before he finds I have slipped my jacket again.Cheers.Ibbo.PS.I am looking on Ebay for a kerro Computer.

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twobob


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Ibbo
You may be better off with a 32 bar, Abacus. No input power required other than food and beer for yourself to operate it.

Should be ok to use with the straight jacket on.

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Rolly


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twobob wrote:
Should be ok to use with the straight jacket on.

Yer, you can do it with yer nose ya 'nows!

 



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Basil Faulty


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During the clean up for my move I rediscovered my Slide Rule, lovely instrument, inlaid ivory, beatifully engraved, in it's mahogany box... SWMBO said it's rubbish throw it in the skip, my rejoinder was "this has been around the world with me so I'm keeping it and all hell will freeze over before I throw it away" - which got us back onto the topic of souls, hell freezing over and sex before marriage.
Grandson wanted to take it to school for show & tell but could not find the secret compartment for the battery. So I said that this one was for use after terrorists blew up the power grid and showed him how to do some simple calculations on it - I await his teachers response..........

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Don't take life too seriously.... No one gets out alive

KIA Sorento CRDi EX  ( Ebony black) with 5 hex chrome plated tire air valve covers, Coramal Sunsheild, Elcheapo GPS, First Aid Kit, full KIA toolkit & Yellow lenses on the Foglights......
dave06


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hell the slide rule, what a wonder that was in its time

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 me, the dragon, & little blue,  never stop playing, live long,  laugh lots, travel far, give a stranger a smile, might just be your next best freind.  try to commit a random act of kindness everyday

 http://daventhedragon.blogspot.com
twobob


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Sir Basil

Your post reminded me of my slide rule, so got it out.

After doing some complicated calc's on your problem with "hell freezing over" and "sex before marriage", it came up with the same answer - Buckleys and Nune - Sorry, thats where I purchased it - back to the calc's, let you know.

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