I am a little fairy On tap o' the Christmas Tree It's no' a job I fancy Well how would you like tae be me
A tarted up wi' tinsel It's enough to mak ye boak An a couple o' jaggy branches Rammed up the back o' your frock
An' these wee lights a'roon me I canna get my sleep An' there's the yearly visit Fae Santa - Big fat creep!
On Christmas Day I'm stuck up here While you're a' wirin' in An' naebody says "Hey you up there Could you go a slug o' gin?
It's nae joke bein' a fairy The job's beyond belief You've got to go roon' the wean's beds An' lift their rotten teeth
But o' a' the joabs a fairy gets An' I've mentioned only some The very worst is sitting up a tree Wi' pine needles up yir bum
When a' the fairies meet again By the light of' the silvery moon Ye can tell the Christmas fairies They're thewans that canna sit doon The Christmas tree's a bonny sight As the firelight softly flickers But think o' me I'm stuck up here Wi' needles in my knickers
So soon as Christmas time's right by An' I stop bein' sae full o' cheer I'll get awa back tae Fairyland An' I'll see yous a' next year.
__________________
Daisy and Disco Duck
Adelaide South Australia
Gotta Think Outside the Square!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
If at First You Don't Succeed.......Redefine Success !!
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
__________________
Old age and treachery will overcome youth and enthusiasm any day.......
