1.Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet tableknows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again. 8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? LaborDay?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday season!!
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Daisy and Disco Duck
Adelaide South Australia
Gotta Think Outside the Square!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
If at First You Don't Succeed.......Redefine Success !!
Those are the very rules I try to live by from day to day. There is always someone in the background watching, making little remarks, being very petty.
Oh! hello Darling just saying what a great job you do watching over my diet............
Terro
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Rosemary and Terry08 Patrol, Galaxy Odyssey Pop top He who laughs last is late getting the joke!!
Have you ever noticed at Christmas dinners when you watch some men eat like Disco does that you can never see their belt buckle? You know why?Theres some thing else I have noticed also...When they bend over you always see three inches of crack ! PIRATE RULE NO. 37Pirates only eat meat... if there is no meat available shoe leather is acceptable !
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SEONAU...AKA..."PIRATE PETE"
No matter how hard it is raining, two pirates may never share an umbrella.
Nobody eats like Disco or even what he eats.Singapore, one night out he decided to have something"Native",crispy fried ****roaches,sauted sewer rats with tails,fried Bats and seaweed.Not a pretty sight to see,sitting cross legged on a traffic island near the Gut.Cheers.Ibbo.Mercy me,and praise to the Lord,I gone done said c.o.c.k again.Censor people just what do you call a c.oc.k roach in your part of perfect palace.
-- Edited by ibbo on Tuesday 22nd of December 2009 03:17:47 PM
hehehe Ibbo................yeah I remember that....... but at least I was able to keep them down. The two yanks that were sitting there, couldn't. Herked up all over their nice clean iniforms. LOL
Green slimy seaweed and sauted tails all over the nice clean uniforms and MaMa San yelling and carrying on!!
-- Edited by Disco Duck on Tuesday 22nd of December 2009 04:56:49 PM
__________________
Daisy and Disco Duck
Adelaide South Australia
Gotta Think Outside the Square!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
If at First You Don't Succeed.......Redefine Success !!
Trust you to remember the gory details.Ma Ma San ended up working at Les Girls in Sydney.She had a long memory,the reunion of the "Shanghai Shaggers"was a meeting to remember.Disco who was the midget that offered under table lap dancing?.Cheers.Ibbo.
