New Zealand Police Infringement Bureau PO Box 9147 Wellington
Good Morning,
INFRINGEMENT NOTICE N3735700
Yesterday, I was presented with the above infringement notice (copy attached for your records) while returning home from the Parachute music festival at Mystery Creek near Hamilton over the long Auckland Anniversary weekend. I had a most excellent weekend, but that is not why Im writing to you at this time. Unfortunately, there are a couple of irregularities with the infringement notice that are causing me some consternation and hopefully you can clear them up or, preferably, forget about the whole thing entirely.
Firstly, the date of offence is listed as the 23rd June 1974 with the time being at or around half past six in the evening. This is of grave concern because I was not issued a drivers licence until sometime in 1990 and I have no desire to be charged with driving while not legally licensed. I do not have a clear recollection of very much at all before I was three and a half years old, so I rang Mum to see if she remembered what I was doing that day. She said that coincidentally I was born on that day!!
Mum mentioned that I was born at around five oclock in the evening on that day in Porirua, which is not far from Wellington. She also said that Porirua was a bustling suburb of young, low-income earning people who were trying to get ahead. Back in the 70ss, people were coming to terms with the oil shocks, high-inflation and wage freezes, but that no important now.
For me to have travelled from Porirua to the foot of the Bombay Hills out of Auckland by six thirty, I would had have to crawled into the first car in the hospital parking lot and headed for Auckland at around 1,000 km/h. For this reason, it is entirely possible that the Constable who clocked me back in 1974 was holding his laser equipment upside down and instead of doing 116 km/h as per the infringement notice, it is more likely that I was doing 911 km/h.
This is where is starts getting really strange. The car that I must have crawled into had the same licence plate as the one I have now AEH924 (according to the infringement notice). However, my car is a dark grey Nissan Bluebird SSS, with dual cup holders, 1800ccs of grunt, air-conditioning and electric windows. You will notice that a time-travel option is not included on this model, so that rules out any Back to the Future issues and the car I was driving back then could not have been the one I drive today.
This is clarified by the infringement notice which stated that the vehicle was a Honda Saloon. How this relates to my Nissan Bluebird, I cannot fathom. I can only hypothesise that, back in 1974, the first range of prototype Hondas had an automated number plate changing mechanism (like on the A-Team) which were used to avoid parking tickets and facilitate safer getaways from burglaries, armed hold-ups and the like.
So to recap, it appears that on my birthday on June the 23rd 1974, I crawled out of the maternity ward, hijacked a seriously high powered Honda Saloon with an automated number plate changing mechanism, drive to Auckland at close to Mach 1, was pulled over approaching Bombay Hills and unwittingly changed the automated number plate changing mechanism to show the same number as a car I would come to own almost thirty years later!! (The chance of selecting the same number plate is a mere 1 in 308,915,776 so quite conceivable).
I am currently residing at the address listed at the top of this letter. I expect you will want to apprehend me fairly shortly now that weve established that I may have committed the following offences: - Grand Theft Auto (I probably stole the Honda as my parents drive a white Ford Cortina at that stage) - Driving without a licence - Driving at ludicrous speed using motor vehicle - Evading the law using an automated number plate changing mechanism.
If you could provide a clearer indication as to why the date of offence is the same an my birthday, and why the vehicle make and type bears no resemblance to the number plate listed on the infringement notice, it would be appreciated. Mind you, I wouldnt be too disappointed if we agreed to let this one go. I could really use the $120 dollars as Im lowering my Nissan, installing an excessively noisy waste-gate and boring it out for better performance in the street drags down Te Irirangi Drive and around Wymouth.
Thank you for your considering my submission, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Regards,
Justin Lee
Encl. Copy of infringement notice N3735700
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Neil & Lynne
Pinjarra
Western Australia
MY23.5 Ford Wildtrak V6 Dual Cab / 21' Silverline 21-65.3
Guru & Ma Ulladulla NSW Happy day, safe travelling Ford Ranger towing 21ft Jurgen shower and toilet which was large enough to fit in a few extras (fridge, bed, stove...)
Pulled up for a log book check . Was asked what Coona meant told the a/h copper Coonabarabran (love spell check) Wrote me up for using abbreviation . Handed me the ticket .I read it then asked him what Hme was and was told Hume and then asked what Hwy meant and was told highway . Anyone see were this is going .
Took it to court pleaded guilty with a explanation . Handed the beak the ticket and a copy of my log book page . Explained that I had used a abbreviation because I wasnt sure how to spell the full name and we either get knocked off for spelling or using abbreviations . Explained about the ticket and the beak then said that the copper couldnt spell either , he had misspelled abreviation (coppers spelling) He then asked if the a/h copper was in court and blasted him for nit picking and wasting the courts time . End result case dismissed with costs awarded to me .
3am, Armidale NSW. Pulled up for log book check by two baby coppers, my log book was not filled in, was going to stop at the all nighter about 2ks further on, didn't have the correct licence at that stage.
They walked round the truck (and dog trailer) slapped on a defect notice because they said the chains from the dog to the truck were too long. Gave me 24 hours to get it rectified and to go to the RTA (DMR back then) and have them check it out.
Duly took a link out of each chain, went to RTA, bloke said "What are these W*&%ers on about, you don't even have to have chains with the type of ring feeder I had at the time.
They could have got me for the log book, the licence and one rather low on tread tyre.
Obviously didn't have a clue.
Ma
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Guru & Ma Ulladulla NSW Happy day, safe travelling Ford Ranger towing 21ft Jurgen shower and toilet which was large enough to fit in a few extras (fridge, bed, stove...)
Yeah you can win but you will always wear the costs, unless of course you front up wearing an Alfoil beanie in which case the case will be dismissed and you'll get institutionalised - but no costs....
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Don't take life too seriously.... No one gets out alive
KIA Sorento CRDi EX ( Ebony black) with 5 hex chrome plated tire air valve covers, Coramal Sunsheild, Elcheapo GPS, First Aid Kit, full KIA toolkit & Yellow lenses on the Foglights......
Basil wrote Yeah you can win but you will always wear the costs,
Basil costs were awarded to me against the A/H copper and from memory was about a grand with lost wages travel etc .
I will say now that most coppers RTA are reasonable to deal with but this bloke would have fitted into the Gestapo with out any problems at all .
You should have checked his forearm for the Tattoo..
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Don't take life too seriously.... No one gets out alive
KIA Sorento CRDi EX ( Ebony black) with 5 hex chrome plated tire air valve covers, Coramal Sunsheild, Elcheapo GPS, First Aid Kit, full KIA toolkit & Yellow lenses on the Foglights......
