I dont know if i done the right thing ...

milo · Guru

I dont know if i done the right thing ...

animalcarer · Senior Member

Hold your head up mate, you definitely have the done the right thing.

What if he causes a accident,.... The person who did not do the right thing, was the Doctor, he should not have broken your confidence, its a tricky one , but the doctor is at fault here, and next time you see the doctor, explain to him that you were speaking in confidence, and the situation is now worse, as you are being admonished for being concerned about your father and the safety of others. Hopefully it will all blow over, and dad will be back to his old self, deep down he will know you have his best interests at heart.

Have a good weekend. Lynette

ozi2 · Guru

milo wrote:
talked to my doc last week, dad and i share the same one,
about dads driving, and i thought it would be confential thing you have with docs..
now dad goes down to have his papers filled in for fitness to drive ,and now he may not get his liscence, and the doc told him how i came in and talked with him.. .and now dads furious at me... tells me he'll do all his own driving from now on..
i know we've talked about it before on here, but why does it , i feel so bad and upset now... he said he'll get over it eventually but vurtually told me to but out...
what do i do?? i go over there every day, at least i thought ive been helping out... family dont get to come down as much as theyd like ..stuck in a rock and a hard place....
buggger... should have shut up and just put up with it all.... dam dam dam......

sorry guys, just upset at the moment...

HI Milo, mate, I dont think you have done anything wrong at all, As things stand now in NSW its automatic that senior citizens of your dads age have to present for a medical and RTA exam.......this happened to my 83yr old neighbour. He wasnt happy about it as it came out of the blue and I guess he was caught unawares.

However, you must have already had some concerns regarding his fitness to drive and whatever the rights and wrongs, we the public are entitled to know that lives are not endangered by impaired drivers of any age. Perhaps your Dr could have been more discreet but sharing the same M.O can have its downside I guess.

We all have a legal obligation when making applications for privileges like a drivers license. If you check out your licence renewal you will see section regarding conditions/impairments you are required to advise the RTA about.

cheers,

ozi2

pauline · Guru

Don't feel bad Milo, went through the same thing with my mum earlier this year, she got over it, but I would tear strips off that doctor.

Beth54 · Guru

Agreed Milo, the Doctor was at fault. You did the right thing.

We were lucky, in a way. Mum had Dementia, so we just didn't let her know it was renewal time. And around the same time, Dad realized his eyesight was getting pretty poor, so willingly gave it up. He was actually a very good driver in his younger days...as a travelling salesman he drove all over the country. It's a shame, but that's life!

Sheba · Guru

Milo, you have done nothing wrong. The caring you give your father is wonderful in this day and age. Your Dr. is in the wrong here. I don't understand why he said anything to your dad this time. You have been worried about his driving ability for some time now.

Hopefully your dad will soon realise you're only thinking of his best interests.

Cheers,

Sheba.

Pejay · Guru

Milo, I can sympathise with you - my dad (quite proudly) told me of his efforts after a blond passed him in a sporty red car, he decided to see how fast she was travelling, and got his 14 yr old Liberty (which was well serviced - beside the point) and finally caught up with her at 125km/hr, and then had the nerve to tell me not to tell Mum!!! Did I give him a serve or what?? I threatened to dob him into the Police if he so much as attempted to do it again. Sadly he passed away before he got the chance. But boy was I mad with him!!

I am surprised though that the doc 'spilt the beans' on you.

-- Edited by Pejay on Friday 7th of October 2011 06:42:29 PM

Ma · Guru

The Doctor is in breach of the privacy act, and that's just for starters.

blaze · Guru

I think you should seek action against the doctor with the medical tribunal. You only fault milo is you care, shouldnt be a fault but in this day and age it seems to be. Hold your head high
cheers
blaze

milo · Guru

i just feel like absolute crap... just want to scream .... my stomach is just fealing awful at the moment, i dont know if i should go and see dad over the weekend. sometimes i hate being so close ,ie distance..
its been so hard since mum passed 5 years ago.. dam dam dam..

jules47 · The Happy Helper

Milo - you most definitely did the right thing - the doctor did not - my friends mother was really past driving, but would not give in - my friends sister actually was the one who went to the doctor and the RTA - mother had to go for medical and driving test - failed miserably - but the worst thing is my friend got the blame - "I know it was you Terry - you are the one who would do something like that - none of your sisters would" - mother still believes my friend dobbed her in - and the culprit has never admitted it.
I reported an old bloke we knew who used to, not park his car, but more like abandon it at the roadside - reported him after he tried to get in the back seat to drive, then sshut the door on his leg, not once, several times, put the car in forward instead of reverse - and knocked the side mirror off the car nexgt to him, and just drove away - blissfully unaware of the havoc he caused by pulling straight out into traffic in front of cars.
Hope when I get near that stage I willb e with it enough to stop driving.

Vic · Guru

I agree with the others Milo, you did the right thing but your doctor did not, he should have respected your confidentiality.

Let it ride, perhaps he will realise after a short time that you had his interests at heart.

If it makes you feel any better, I had a mental patient ringing me at all hours of the day and night being a nuisance once, I found out the clinic they attended and rang them and asked them to have a talk to her without revealing who I was. Guess what, I got an abusive phone call from her because they had told her. You just can't trust some people.

Beth54 · Guru

Milo, I know how you feel. I hate family distress too. I say let it ride...give him time to cool off. I suggest that next time you go over, just pretend it never happened and talk of other things. He'll get over it.

shazartist · Senior Member

Milo, like everyone else has said, The Doctor is and was the problem, not you.
I actually have never heard of one happy person giving up their drivers license. you did the right thing, sadly the Dr had a big fat mouth.
I would stay away till Dad cools down.

cheers sharon

milo · Guru

thanks guy, i just feel like im going to stay out of his way now... wish i didnt live so darn close...

Beth54 · Guru

milo wrote:
thanks guy, i just feel like im going to stay out of his way now... wish i didnt live so darn close...

You sound a bit better today. That's the ticket. smile

milo · Guru

im going over today to see dad, didnt go over yesturday..
but when i rang him a little while ago he said you have face the music sooner or later..
why do i feel like im 12 again?? and got caught for messing up?? im my 40's for crying out loud.. just not fair...

wish me luck

Ma · Guru

Chin out, head up Milo, walk proud and tell Dad you love him. He will understand sooner or later. Hang in there.

milo · Guru

well, so much for that.. think ive been outed , he's digging up other stuff on me now, going off at me about other stuff... and now he's going back to the docs to try and change that... I dont want to do this any more.. ive had it....totally had it... all the things ive done over the last 18 months, shot to hell.........arggg.g.g..

pauline · Guru

Just stay out of touch for now, he'll come round when he hasn't heard from you for while, it doesn't matter how old you are you always feel like a kid when it comes to your parents or they ALWAYS treat you like one.

-- Edited by pauline on Sunday 9th of October 2011 03:09:28 PM

ChiChi1 · Guru

Know how you feel Milo. My mother has the beginings of dementia. My sister and I visit every day at different times and she still says that she never sees us. Somethimes it seems like a thankless task but we do it beause we love them.

milo · Guru

so true ChiChi , i dont think my family or my dad realizes how much i am over there...

milo · Guru

confuse never mind..

-- Edited by milo on Sunday 9th of October 2011 06:30:20 PM

Vic · Guru

Is there anyone in the family you can talk to about what has happened Milo and explain the circumstances to them?

Perhaps in time you will be able to explain to him that you only did what you said to the doctor because you loved him and were concerned about his welfare. But at the moment it doesn't seem like he wants to be reasonable, so maybe a break will do you both good.

At his age he won't be around forever Milo so maybe he will realise that and make amends when he has had time to cool down and think about it.

Just remember that you have always had his interests at heart and have done your best for him, there is the old saying that you can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives......

milo · Guru

not much help im affraid vic..

milo · Guru

i want to thank every one here for there support, im not getting any from any where else..
im just absolutley ,shatterd and gutted at the way things are now between dad and i ..
its just so unrepairable i think.. and to think off all the help, things we've done ie the cruise,
adelaide trips and others.. over every day, calling him up all the time..
why the bloody heck did i have to put my head/foot what ever into it..
ill be lucky to see him much for a while, too bloody scared.. dam dam dam..
why did i do this, to hurt the one person i love in my life...
i felt like jumping in the river this arvo... i realy did.. but im still here. bloody heck , what have i done...

jules47 · The Happy Helper

Milo, mate, stop beating yourself up over this - just know we all support you - maybe you need to go the the quack and tell him what trouble has been caused by him betraying your confidence - he needs to know this - he did the wrong thing - not you.

Yoru dad is like a lot of others, hanging on by the skin of their teeth to their independence - it is probably a lot of internal anger on your dads side, at himself, but he seems to be an intelligent man, he will come around - just stay cool - don't stress - talk to us - you know we all listen and understand - chillax man. smile

Vic · Guru

Hi Milo,

Like Jules said, go and talk to your doctor, don't get him agro, just tell him that your Dad is paying out on you because he told him you were concerned about his driving and the stress it is causing you now.

Also, may I suggest you give Lifeline a ring in your State, you can talk to them about any personal crisis you are having and it is anonymous so you can really open up to them. I worked as a telephone counsellor for a similar organisation many years ago and they do a lot of good, also can help you vent your feelings etc. This is their website;

http://www.lifeline.org.au/

This is the one I worked for, they may only be in WA (note: It is The Samaritans, not the Samaritans Charity group). However they have a free Country 1800 number so you could ring them on that. They are non religious. See;

http://www.thesamaritans.org.au/Home.aspx

Keep your chin up,

Vic

-- Edited by Vic on Monday 10th of October 2011 12:33:12 PM

milo · Guru

thanks Vic, im seing my doc this arvo and will tell him how unhappy i am about all this
also talked with my sister thismorning, she agreed with me about the doc ,
but she said dads getting too old to change his ways and ill just have to try and do things
on my own.. and him on his own .. not much else i can do..
its just so frustrating...

ChiChi1 · Guru

I'm sure he won't feel this way forever Milo. Just give it some time.