I dont know if i done the right thing ...

Happywanderer · The Master

RE: I dont know if i done the right thing ...

Vic · Guru

This is another good group also for anyone wanting their services, they have their own doctors in different areas who are skilled in the areas they deal with, see Beyond Blue;

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?

milo · Guru

well, back from the doc's, he oppologized for everything thats happend between dad and i ,
and will have a word to dad about it next time he sees him, I told him i wasnt happy how he told dad and he realized after dad had left that he'd done the wrong thing..

so will see how things go i gues.. might take a while for dad to cool down a while..
about the best i can do...

-- Edited by milo on Monday 10th of October 2011 04:43:22 PM

Happywanderer · The Master

Good on you milo. You've done the right thing today, just hope it won't be too long before the doc gets a chance to talk to your dad.

milo · Guru

well, i didnt plan on it, ran into dad in town today while checking my mail at our post office, he wont even talk to me... just said from now on he'll collect his mail, and walked off... dam it .dam it. damit...*****************************

Sheba · Guru

Milo, please don't keep beating yourself up . It might take some time yet, for your dad to realise that you were only thinking of his and other road users' best interests.

If he can't drive, he can't hurt any-one else. My dad didn't actually kill any-one, but he caused quite a few accidents before his licence was taken off him, in-conveniencing and traumatising a lot of people in the process.

I just hope he doesn't take too long realising you did the right thing.

Chers,

Sheba.

milo · Guru

thanks sheba, i wish he'd cool off too, its not just about driving anymore, now he's bringing my finances and other stuff into it, turning itall back onto me and very angry with me, im trying not to beat myself up but its hard not too.. all the work , looking after and helping out ..what for???

pauline · Guru

Hey Milo I know you are hurting, but I just got a call from a Very close relative of my 1st marriage, their son died today aged 55, it was my birthday today 57, how does that happen, if you did the work, looking after, helping out, you did it out of love so just remember that is why you did it and if he does not see that, then I'm sorry but it is his loss not yours. I think the older we get the more we beat ourselves up over the little things, what you did was not little it was RIGHT. Just my opinion.

Evie n Rhys · Senior Member

Milo you have not only helped keep all road users safe you have stopped your father having to live with a possible tragedy which may have been caused should he have kept driving without the reflexes needed to drive safely and responsibly. As a survivor of an almost fatality caused by a driver who should never have been behind a wheel I personally thank you. The doctor should be shot.......
I believe your dad will come around, just let him know you care and that was your motive.
Tess

milo · Guru

id give anything to go back to the way itwas before this.... it feels like a broken heart but only worse.., sorry about your friends son pauline, sometimes i wish life came with a manual..

-- Edited by milo on Thursday 13th of October 2011 12:37:32 AM

jules47 · The Happy Helper

Milo - you now need to just go about your own business - do you own thing - hopefully the doc will talk sense to him, and make him see that you were only thinking of his best interests.

Please don't hesitate to contact any of the above organisations, if you feel you can't cope - talking it out can help - am going to pm you re this, ok?
Take care man!

Vic · Guru

Ditto what Jules said Milo. I had a very close relative whom I loved dearly but they payed out on me something shocking with hurtful but untruthful things, it had gone on for years and I always made excuses for them and put it behind me.

It continued and got worse, and it the end my health and well being were under threat, so in the end for my own sanity and well being I had to turn my back on them and stop seeing them. I wasn't the only one in the family that had to do this. It still hurts like hell but is something I had to do. At least I have a reasonably happy life now and did what I had to do. They haven't changed by the way and never will.

milo · Guru

at least we are kind of talking on the phone when i ring him.. its a start i guess

Vic · Guru

milo wrote:
at least we are kind of talking on the phone when i ring him.. its a start i guess

Sounds like he might be coming around Milo, try to avoid the original rift talk if you can unless he brings it up. I am just wondering if he has spoken to the Dr again already or if when he does knowing you have spoken to the Dr again it will set him off again.

Might pay to ring the Dr and if he hasn't spoken to your Dad again tell him not to mention it as he might go off his face again........

Good luck with that, hope it all works out.

-- Edited by Vic on Thursday 13th of October 2011 02:54:52 PM

milo · Guru

Vic wrote:
milo wrote:
at least we are kind of talking on the phone when i ring him.. its a start i guess

Might pay to ring the Dr and if he hasn't spoken to your Dad again tell him not to mention it as he might go off his face again........
Good luck with that, hope it all works out.

-- Edited by Vic on Thursday 13th of October 2011 02:54:52 PM

thanks vic, im trying to stay away from the docs, .. once bitten ,twice shy as they say...

animalcarer · Senior Member

Hi Vic

What great advice. Sadly I had to do the same thing. Wipe the slate clean with a family member. My only sibling, my brother . That was over 5 years ago, and I feel better for it, I to I was physically and emotionally unwell, due to the fact of untruths and down right manipulation on their part. Thankfully they live in another country, so cant bug me, etc etc. It is a sad thing when this happens, but I guess thats life, I would rather have peace sitting under a gum tree with a billy, than be put through the hoops like that ever again.

In other words I dont like to boil my cabbage twice, you have to find some humour in it.

Pocessions are very important to my brother and wife, they were even packing breadcrumbs from mothers pantry to take back to their place (after her funeral) true story,

iIn the end my brother said we will have to negotiate over the the dining table, I said bro no negotiation you have the whole lot. They had already nicked mums jewellery.

So I boarded the plane back to AUS, with my childhood doll, and a few trinkets.

I havent looked back, there are no if onlys. Just sheer freedom, and I can hold my head up high. As they say treat your enemy with kindness.

milo · Guru

well i hope i dont ever have to go that far guys.. i love dad too much.. im just trying to give him some space .....

Vic · Guru

Yes it is sad when it goes that far Lynette, but sometimes it is beyond saving, better that way than to crack up under the stress.

I am sure you will be ok Milo, I think he needs you as much as you need him, so pretty sure the "space" will heal his perceived wounds eventually and you can both start over again. Hang in there mate, I am sure it will all work out.

milo · Guru

thanks vic, you guys have been great, i feel like ive been hogging up the board disbelief ....

-- Edited by milo on Thursday 13th of October 2011 06:32:49 PM

Happywanderer · The Master

You have not been hogging the board milo. We are all there for you with support, we will get you through. Take it easy, go off and do something to take your mind off it and in no time your dad will come around and start talking again.
Try not to dwell on what happened especially when talking to him as it will only drag it all back up again and flare up his anger.

pauline · Guru

SPACE, that's the word Milo, you both need some space, I know you love your Dad and I am sure he loves you , don't dwell on it, it will just grow bigger than it really is if you do, time heals everything.

Travel Bug · Guru

Hi Milo,

I have only just caught up with this post....and I really feel for you mate.

Some of the others on here really have given you some excellent advice. I'm just adding my thoughts.

Your Dad is hurting because of what he sees as the loss of his independence. It is probably hard for his pride to accept that he is...quite simply...getting old!

I don't know why it is, but people usually manage to take out their anger on the person who is closest to them, and unfortunately in your Dad's case, that's you.

Just hang in there and be there for him (from the background) as he really does need to know that you're there, even while he is being horrible. The Doctor was very wrong to do what he did, but I'm sure that your Dad will come around in time.

Meanwhile Milo, try to do something nice for yourself. Can you maybe get away somewhere for a few days break?? I hope so.

BTW, I have listened to you play...and you really are good!! I listened for a long while. Thank you!!

Keep your chin up! I hope that things soon improve for you.

milo · Guru

i think ill go see dad today (now sunday)
i havent seen him since wednesday, this has been the longest time i havent seen him ever..
its driving me nuts, i ring him every day.. he just sounds different... cant put it in words..
so will go over and see what happens..i hate this ..

milo · Guru

well, i went to see him today, dad, for about five minutes, all he said to me was that its going to be a long time till were back to normal,
before he can trust me again.. what have i done wrong??? i do things in my life, try to run affairs on my own and he says im doing them behind my back
do you tell your parents everything?? its gone just beyond the driving stuff now..not fair ..not fair..

jules47 · The Happy Helper

Milo - I feel for you - but your dad is at the age where they can get very selfish - think the world owes them - I know my father was like that - but one day I just said - enough - I don't need this - I am an adult - maybe one of the problems is that yo have done too much for him, and he feels like you are trying to take over - just chill man, and do your own thing, take a trip on yor own - your little car will get you down to Greens Lake you know!!!! Take it easy - straight down the Newell - show your old man you are an independent adult - he will miss you and realise just how much he relies on you - good for you too - get out and do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pauline · Guru

SPACE Milo SPACE.

Cruising Granny · Guru

Milo me old mate, don't underestimate your Dad's independence and abilities.
Sure he's a bit slow on his feet, but judging by our recent meeting, his head is working pretty good. As long as his reaction time is still pretty good, and he drives familiar routes competently, he should be ok. Don't take that away from him.
I saw him take the wheel of the Tardis, and he looked right at home behind the wheel.
I don't know how it turned out for you today, but you are doing a great job of caring for your dad.
You mean well, but you musn't be over-protective. Put yourself in his position. I'm sure he appreciates your care and attention, and you care for him with the best of intentions, but he's still a strong, person who, I'm sure, wants to be independent for as long as possible.
Would taking his driving away from him, help him or give you peace of mind? It's a fine line and it needs to be balanced.
Give dad a bit of credit, and give yourself a break. You don't have to be worrying all the time.

milo · Guru

thanks all for your kind words and support,
chris, its one thing watching dad drive but its another being in the thing with him that he's driving..

im just taking it one day at a time now

Happywanderer · The Master

I hope milo is ok. I see he hasn't been on here since 18th.

shazartist · Senior Member

I was wondering how Milo was too happy wanderer so thought I would pop in and see if things had got a bit better, he was pretty up set about the altercation with his Dad, and the Doctor was at fault, not that that makes much difference. These types of issues really rock relationships.