My mother had "just a burial", no eulogy, nobody there, at my fathers request. He wasn't there either. My brother and I were absolutely shattered and angry, it was like pretending she had never lived. All of you who say you don't want any service or funeral, you wont be there, so allow people who loved you enough to turn up to remember you after your death, to have some sort of service or wake. Its very comforting to share that time with others who knew and loved/liked your dearly departed relative.
I don't mind what happens after /I die, hope my partner would be ok, and our family and friends support him. This is easier done with a memorial/funeral/crematory service of some sort but it doesn't have to be formal.


PS. As I understand it, if you choose a cardboard coffin, you have to be buried, as theres not enough mass to cremate a body properly.

-- Edited by Gerty Dancer on Saturday 8th of June 2013 08:51:17 PM

Two poems on the subject that are very meaningful;

Funeral Blues by W H Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is Dead'.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
...........................................................................
The Clock Of Life

"The clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop
At late or early hour.

To lose one's wealth is sad indeed.
Too lose one's health is more.
To lose one's soul is such a loss
That no man can restore."

Today, only is our own.
So live, love and toil with a will.
Place no faith in tomorrow,
For the clock may soon be still.

By Robert H Smith
................................

-- Edited by Duh on Saturday 8th of June 2013 09:54:07 PM

We just went thru this with a family friend. He passed away on a Saturday afternoon, Sunday hospital rang to say he had to be moved from morgue today. Picked up by undertaker, ($300 extra cos it was Sunday!!). He was cremated with no service, the family picked up his ashes a few days later. His ashes were scattered at their favourite camping area on the beach. All up it cost just a tad over $5000. There were charges for death certificate, undertaker, coffin, crematorium, urn. I can probably get you all the exact figures if you wish. (This was here in Perth northern suburbs).
We are doing the same planning for the future too. And our kids have already been told this is what we want to happen.

Interesting topic, Vic and I shall follow replies with great interest. I went into this a few years back and found that cardboard coffins were not much cheaper than the wooden ones. Seemed odd.

The cost of funerals is a scandal. I recall when my Mum died the funeral director trying to sell me some outrageously overpriced polished wood coffin on the basis of "only the best for Mother . . .", obviously trying to take advantage of my emotional state. He failed.

Cheers, Tony 

neilnruth wrote:

---

We just went to a funeral yesterday. It was actually a memorial service. Lady had died interstate. Her daughter organised her cremation in that state and brought her ashes to NSW the next week. After the Memorial service the family went and scattered her ashes in the nearby lake where her partner had been a fisherman.
Yes, you can get a cardboard coffin. Don't go for an eco coffin though unless you want to pay more. Sometimes you have to wait longer than this family did for the ashes though.
Our eldest is a funeral director and he doesn't say " Have you got enough for a retirement home?" He says, make sure you have enough to pay for your funeral. He suggests funeral bonds are better than pre-paid or plans. There is usually not enough money to pay for the funerals with the latter if you live long. Oh and PS. No, we probably don't have enough for our funeral - it will have to come out of the estate or their pockets. Hehe.

---

 Hi, something we all must face, I maybe naive but I have never heard of funeral bonds, could you ask your eldest for an explanation and details, thanks.

Hazel was saying only yesterday that we must organise this before we go (start the trip), .

Mmmmm, not a subject I personally liked to talk about prior to six years ago however, after loosing my Dad, Son, Step Son, two very close friends and my Wife in the last six years and no discussions at all, my two daughters now know exactly what I want and it's simple, no big deal. If I can be put in a cheap pine box, cremated with no service, no food, nothing. Scatter my ashes somewhere along the Murray River. I have also set up a Funeral Plan to cover or at least help with that side of things.

What would be good though is, get a wooden raft, pile it up with sticks etc, put my body on top, set fire to the lot then set me adrift on Greens Lake, Victoria. Something tells me though that can't happen.

Doug,it would probably rain that day,even at Greens Lake Still cold down south.cheers Peter

Thank you all so much for your feedback on this very delicate subject, my ex wife died recently and I went to a cousin's funeral a week ago, got me thinking about my own mortality and medical condition, and what I would want if the inevitable happened.

I saw on a cemetery Q & A site that a prepaid funeral cost more (I know costs can rise over time, but they have your money earning interest in the meantime haven't they ????) and that only pays for the cremation costs and there may still additional costs added by the funeral directors even though prepaid, see the FAQ's here;

http://www.mcb.wa.gov.au/FuneralServices/FAQs.aspx 

A friend of mine donated his body to science a few years ago, but his family still had a non religious service at a funeral directors without his body or ashes, had photos of him displayed and family and friends including the children spoke at the service, it was all very nice even though no body or ashes present.   I was also given the honour of speaking about him too.

I am still thinking about what I want, I do have a favourite place by the Swan river I would like to have my ashes sprinkled off a gazebo over the river without broadcasting the fact a family member would be doing it.   I am also wrestling with what I should plan for family and friends and am discussing this with family members at the moment.   I do see the need for them to have a get together of some sort to allow those who wish to attend the opportunity to say goodbye if they wish, still working on that one though, I don't care for myself but that may be a selfish approach for others that care. 

 

 

It's just a marketing ploy Tony, they want you to select them to do your funeral.....

Vic,

The OP said budget. I checked about 6 years ago.

The clue is to get a small local funeral director. I said I did not want any service at all. Just pick up, no box, no service, no frills cremation and he puts the ashes around some plants (or wherever).

Anyhow, at the time a local funeral director said $700, no frills as stated. He couldn't quote for any distance arrangements. In that case the next of kin should find a small local like him and definitely not one of the biggies in town. Be firm about no frills, he said. Send ashes back if wanted, not a body.

I prefer that family have a private get together at home at some time after as they wish and organise themselves. Nothing to do with the funeral director.


A bigger problem is wording something so that I am not kept going after a severe stroke or a condition that compromises any reasonable quality of life. I cannot imagine anything worse than being kept alive if totally paralysed for example. My view on that has been consistent for many years. Someone must some usable wording or draft somewhere for Qld to avoid seeng that rogue of a lawyer again. [With apologies to any lawyers reading].

Interesting that people do not wish to discuss this subject. When we took off we left all our POA's and bank details and Wills with our daughter. I have my personal funeral arrangements in my documents in my computer. A private cremation, ashes in a shoe box, kids out to dinner hopefully saying nice things about Mum and for them to place my ashes under a beautiful big gum tree which they will find and know I would love.
We lost our Mum and she would not discuss funerals but luckily out of the 12 of us kids I had taken it upon myself to have her do the necessary forms like POA and executors etc. I knew by talking with our Mum that she wanted lots of flowers and a lovely non religious funeral. She had all of that and it was beautiful. I now have a place to go to visit her along with our Dad who's ashes we had placed in with her.
My husband however has made no funeral plans. If he goes first he will be getting what I am having as he has said he does not want any fuss just thrown in a creek. Bit hard to do that one really.
It is very important to have things in place as we only have this minute and it is too much for families to take on the rest without knowing where things are and what to do.

Yes I have my organ donor card done as well although doubt there will be much to leave

-- Edited by pubertyblues on Sunday 9th of June 2013 12:03:40 PM

There is a small family busines her in Brisbane that only does Cremations.
When David get Cremated they will play, Great Balls Of Fire.
When I get Cremated I want, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

As you said Jules, live for today. But I live more peacefully in myself having made a will, signed enduring power of attorney documents, and made a sort of funeral plan with money set aside.... Really its all about having regard for the family you will be leaving behind.

Now that's done, I don't have to worry any more, can forget about it and play.

johnq - There is something called 'An Advanced Health Care Directive' you can fill in which will tell everyone what you want done in case of stroke etc. You fill it in, photocopy and leave copies at your local hospital, doctor, next of kni etc so they all know - and give it to your Enduring Guardian.

Talking about what you want helps too. Unless doctors are told, their Hippocratic oath says they have to keep you alive.