"How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied: "Two years older than me"

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

#03  Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

#04  I've sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes 

I'm half blind,  can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. 

Have bouts with dementia. 

Have poor circulation; 

Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. 

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. 

Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

#05  I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. 

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. 

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

#06  An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. 

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over K-Mart.

"K-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed,  "Why K-Mart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"

 #07  My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.. 

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

#08  Know how to prevent sagging ? 

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

#09  It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

#10  These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,  'For fast relief.'  

#11  THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.