Why don't lobsters share their food with each other?

Because they're shellfish.

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in the classroom?

Because the students were very bright.

Where do surfers study?

At boarding school.

Why do calculators make the best friends?

Because you can always count on them.

Why don't mathematicians drink alcohol?

Because it's illegal to drink and derive.

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?

10,000 soles were lost.

Sam and Susie's wedding was so touching . . .

Even the wedding cake was in tiers.

What did the mime say to the audience?

Nothing.

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hamburger seller?

Make me one with everything.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing thongs?

Philippe Floppe.