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Double Murder
(Preview)
The judge says to a double murder defendant, " Your'e charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer". A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says, "You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."...
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dishlicker
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0
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1001
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council housing complaints
(Preview)
Complaints to Scottish Local Authority Councils Extracts from letters written by council tenants: 1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 3.. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly wh...
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Douglas Leigh
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0
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1077
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Works every time
(Preview)
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.&qu...
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rockylizard
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0
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1087
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Medicare No-Helpdesk recommendation...
(Preview)
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello" "Mrs. Sanders, please." "Speaking." " Mrs Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, by coincidence a biopsy from anothe...
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goldfinger
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0
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1009
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Who Da Boss?
(Preview)
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read: "I'm the Boss!" He then attached it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that som...
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rockylizard
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0
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1316
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Husband and Wife....
(Preview)
The Doctor took the husband in first. The husband was a bit embarrassed, and told the Doctor he had trouble getting a lasting erection with his wife and she was getting quite frustrated. The doctor checked the man's blood pressure, and other vital statistics..then said he was going to check with his...
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goldfinger
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1
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1098
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Aged Nomad visit to the Urologist....
(Preview)
An old bloke, Jimbo, goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is an extremely pretty female Doctor. The Urologist says:"I'm going to check your prostrate today, but this new procedure is a little differen...
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goldfinger
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2
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1208
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A patient with oxygen mask is lying in bed in Hospital....
(Preview)
A male patient is lying in bed in hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don'...
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goldfinger
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0
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1013
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A cause for concern?
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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2
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1141
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Things that end with "tor"
(Preview)
A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with "tor" that ate things. The first little boy said "Alligator". "Very good James that's a big word". The second boy said, "Predator" "Yes", that's another big word Alan. Very...
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goldfinger
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0
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1082
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Plausible?
(Preview)
A wife came home early...and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me a faithful wife, the mother of your children. I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away.' And th...
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Possum3
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2
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1453
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Divorced Barbie Doll....
(Preview)
A father, on his way home from work suddenly remembers it's his eight year old daughter's birthday. He stops at Toys R Us and asks one of the salespersons :"How much for one of those Barbie's in your display window?" The salesperson answers,: "Well, which one do you mean, Sir?"...
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goldfinger
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0
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1477
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How did it happen
(Preview)
A Bikie came upon an attempted suicide scene. He pulled over and said to the policeman let me talk to her, He walks up and says it would be really nice if a young girl like you would give me a hug and a kiss before you die. She gave him a long passionate kiss and a hug. He said to her why do you want to die. She said,...
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grahos
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0
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1281
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A challenge eh? Magnarc....my best three, told some time ago.....
(Preview)
Three beautiful red roses by her hospital pillow....<not really risqué> A young Lady goes to her Doctor and confides she wants an 'operation' because she feels her vagina lips are toooooo large. She respectively asks her Doctor to keep her 'operation' a secret, as she's embarrassed and doe...
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goldfinger
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3
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984
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The Confessional.
(Preview)
The local priest in an effort to promote friendly relations with other denominatons, invited the Rabbi to have a look around the church. During their travels they came upon the confessional and the Rabbi asked what this was for, before the priest could answer the door on the other side closed. The pri...
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Magnarc
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0
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1052
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A really subtle story.
(Preview)
The Catholic church and the Synagogue were on opposite sides of the road, and a great rivalry developed between the Priest and the Rabbi who were constantly trying to outdo each other. Matters came to a head when the priest bought a Bentley and parked it outside the church. A couple of days later a Rolls...
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Magnarc
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0
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982
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Old Lady In Hell
(Preview)
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams. 'Don't worry about that,' says St. Peter, 'It's only someone having the holes drilled into her shoulder blades for the wings.' The old la...
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Yarra
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0
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1003
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The Quick and the Dead.......
(Preview)
A bloke walks into the front bar and orders 10 shots of neat Bundy Rum. After they're poured, he drops them all down one after the other. The Bartender comments: "Wow matey, I've never seen anyone down that much Rum, neat, that fast before!" The bloke responds mournfully: "Well yo...
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goldfinger
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0
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927
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Technology
(Preview)
Never text a confessionTHE CONFESSION Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. Im sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I cant live with myself...
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hokianga
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0
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906
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She was just helping.....
(Preview)
An old married couple have just watched a documentary program about what happens to elderly people enduring a long and difficult decline towards death. Well, that makes you think, doesnt it dear? he says. Well what are you thinking? she asks. He sighs. Promise me that if ever I am dependent upon a m...
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rockylizard
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0
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1028
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