Just Joking

Loffty · Loffty

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, I said. ... Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She was "only think...

Vic41 · Vic41

A few minutes before the church service started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate....

Vic41 · Vic41

In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey t...

Vic41 · Vic41

Dear Simon, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't bel...

Yendorane · Yendorane

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!" Miraculously...

robmac · robmac

Two fastidiuos consumers of the wonderful self made and fiercely protected brew were having an argument as to who made the best brew. They eventually decided to send samples for chemical analysis. A week later the reply came back It said "after exhaustive tests of both samples, we are unan...

Dunmowin · Dunmowin

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Cooktown. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents! They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

Number One"I am a medical student currently doing arotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to b...

Vic41 · Vic41

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quick bout of love making' with their 8-year old son in the apartment wasto send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:'There's a car being...

robmac · robmac

Sister Mary walks in to the bar and says to the barman....."I'd like a bottle of Johnny Walker please and it's OK as its for Mother Superiors constipation" Later in the day the barman was shocked to see the Sister sitting in the park absolutely zonked "Didn't you say that whisky wa...

Vic41 · Vic41

The Business DealA Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for t...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

You have to hand it to them! Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove... A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related... Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announc...

Vic41 · Vic41

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.So when P...

Pete49 · Pete49

Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show. I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are looking for in the shows contestants. However, before we take this any further, I must point out that...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Two Aussie builders Two Aussie builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit. Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant. Eric: - No way - he...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom wher...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

If you had bought $1,000 of Qantas shares one year ago, you would have $49.00 today! If you bought $1,000 AIG shares one year ago, you would have$33.00 today! If you bought $1,000 worth of Lehman Brothers shares one year ago, you would have $0.00 today! BUT.... if you purchased $1,000 wo...

Vic41 · Vic41

The Last Kiss A group of bikies were riding along the highway when they saw a girl about to jump of a bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past a policeman who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil. He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

Kendo · Kendo

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Pay back :) (Preview) Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, I said. ... Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She was "only think...	Loffty	1	744	06:10 AM Jul 29, 2014 by Glenelg
	Satan.... (Preview) A few minutes before the church service started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate....	Vic41	1	815	09:39 PM Jul 27, 2014 by Bryan
	Holy Reviver.... (Preview) In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey t...	Vic41	0	740	03:46 PM Jul 27, 2014 by Vic41
	Why You Don't See Males Running Relationship Advice Columns.... (Preview) Dear Simon, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't bel...	Vic41	0	750	03:43 PM Jul 27, 2014 by Vic41
	Paddy was driving down the street (Preview) Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!" Miraculously...	Yendorane	0	712	11:23 AM Jul 27, 2014 by Yendorane
	Home Brew (Preview) Two fastidiuos consumers of the wonderful self made and fiercely protected brew were having an argument as to who made the best brew. They eventually decided to send samples for chemical analysis. A week later the reply came back It said "after exhaustive tests of both samples, we are unan...	robmac	0	890	11:11 PM Jul 22, 2014 by robmac
	Happy Hour (Preview) Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Cooktown. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents! They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in...	Dunmowin	0	1315	08:32 PM Jul 22, 2014 by Dunmowin
	Prize Winning Idiots of 2013 (Preview) Number One"I am a medical student currently doing arotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to b...	Gunsondeck	0	1008	06:08 PM Jul 22, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	Lying to Kids Tactics.... (Preview) The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quick bout of love making' with their 8-year old son in the apartment wasto send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:'There's a car being...	Vic41	0	760	03:12 PM Jul 22, 2014 by Vic41
	Sister Mary (Preview) Sister Mary walks in to the bar and says to the barman....."I'd like a bottle of Johnny Walker please and it's OK as its for Mother Superiors constipation" Later in the day the barman was shocked to see the Sister sitting in the park absolutely zonked "Didn't you say that whisky wa...	robmac	0	717	10:33 PM Jul 21, 2014 by robmac
	Black Bra - Size 38..... (Preview) The Business DealA Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for t...	Vic41	2	930	09:46 PM Jul 20, 2014 by Vic41
	You have to hand it to them! (Preview) *You have to hand it to them!* Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove... A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related... Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announc...	Gunsondeck	0	820	11:38 AM Jul 20, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	The Lake... (Preview) Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.So when P...	Vic41	0	769	04:49 AM Jul 20, 2014 by Vic41
	contestant reply (Preview) Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show. I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are looking for in the shows contestants. However, before we take this any further, I must point out that...	Pete49	2	757	05:39 PM Jul 19, 2014 by Kendo
	TWO AUSSIE BUILDERS; (Preview) Two Aussie builders Two Aussie builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit. Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant. Eric: - No way - he...	justcruisin01	0	1028	09:53 PM Jul 18, 2014 by justcruisin01
	THE ITALIAN LOVER;; (Preview) The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom wher...	justcruisin01	0	770	09:20 PM Jul 18, 2014 by justcruisin01
	PROUD AUSSIE'S; (Preview) If you had bought $1,000 of Qantas shares one year ago, you would have $49.00 today! If you bought $1,000 AIG shares one year ago, you would have$33.00 today! If you bought $1,000 worth of Lehman Brothers shares one year ago, you would have $0.00 today! BUT.... if you purchased $1,000 wo...	justcruisin01	0	700	09:06 PM Jul 18, 2014 by justcruisin01
	The Last Kiss.... (Preview) The Last Kiss A group of bikies were riding along the highway when they saw a girl about to jump of a bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past a policeman who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,...	Vic41	0	744	05:59 PM Jul 17, 2014 by Vic41
	World Cup refund (Preview) After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil. He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.	Gunsondeck	1	757	04:37 PM Jul 17, 2014 by Wandering Whitfields
	How to keep a woman happy (Preview)	Kendo	1	809	08:37 PM Jul 16, 2014 by rosa
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