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Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State
(Preview)
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. ********** LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. ********** LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to...
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whoppa
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0
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942
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Getting Even
(Preview)
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight: starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet, who decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could co...
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Basil Faulty
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0
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963
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Feel like a woman
(Preview)
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, r...
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Pickles
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2
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995
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Paddy's first baseball game
(Preview)
Paddy just arrived in America from Ireland on holiday. Now, never having seen a baseball game before, he decides that now would be a good time. So, he goes to the park, and gets himself a bleacher seat. Now, Paddy sees a guy step up to the plate with a stick in his hand. The guy standing on the hump of dirt thr...
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NannyMon
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0
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772
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The Gunslinger
(Preview)
In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night...
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Basil Faulty
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2
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1053
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A man is almost about to die
(Preview)
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them." Hi...
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Pickles
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0
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715
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HAVE A GOOD LAUGH
(Preview)
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. At a ****tail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." A lady inserted an ad in the c...
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sgntbilko
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0
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1064
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What Else Can Go Wrong
(Preview)
Coincidence Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but.... 2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs aro...
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Wombat 280
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3
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1022
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Getting a hairdryer through customs...
(Preview)
Getting a hairdryer through customs... > > A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest > beside > her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' > > 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' > > 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mothe...
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sgntbilko
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0
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718
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Ponderings collection
(Preview)
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? If a turtle doesn't have a sh...
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Pickles
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0
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909
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one for our girls
(Preview)
just for you ladys This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day BREAKFAST 1 Grapefruit 1 slice Wholemeal toast 1 cup skimmed milk LUNCH 1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach 1 cup herbal tea 1 biscuit AFTERNOON TEA The re...
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dave06
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3
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1221
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POST OFFICE JOB INTERVIEW
(Preview)
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?" He says "Yes, just caffeine." "Have you ever been in the service?" the interviewer asks. "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."...
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sgntbilko
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1
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1438
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ROAD USERS BE AWARE!
(Preview)
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, 'I must be losing it! I could have sworn we just w...
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Ma
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0
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874
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GOD, THE DEVIL & FAT
(Preview)
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with t...
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Ma
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1
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1001
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Only great minds can read this
(Preview)
This is weird, but interesting! fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't...
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Pickles
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1
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880
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What will the neighbors think?
(Preview)
Jack was living in Queensland during a heat wave when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I ma...
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Pickles
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0
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736
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Tell me what I am
(Preview)
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given addit...
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Pickles
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2
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939
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how many????????
(Preview)
How many phsychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb!!!! only one, but the lightbulb must want to change!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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dave06
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0
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630
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a spikey one
(Preview)
little Johnny went up to his mother and said "can I play with the porcupine too mommy" wherein mum says "what porcupine, we havent got a porcupine, where did you get that nonsense from" to which a very indignent young Johnny replied "you have so, I heard you say to daddy th...
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dave06
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1
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755
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a washing problem
(Preview)
the newly married couple had a secret system worked out for when they wished to "fool around" whenever company was present, the "secret" language would be "I have some washing to do" at a dinner party the young man said to his young bride "I have a load of washin...
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dave06
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0
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756
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