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WHEN I'M AN OLD LADY
(Preview)
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid, And bring so much happiness...just as they did I want to pay back all the joy they've provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited! (When I'm an old lady and live with my kids) I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues, And I'll bounce on th...
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The Gnome
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2
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908
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Dead Duck
(Preview)
A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Disco has passed away." The distressed o...
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joebee
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2
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793
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I don't THINK I'm looking any older?
(Preview)
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REM...
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Disco Duck
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2
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896
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Don't Step On A Duck!!!!
(Preview)
Three guys get to heaven,Bob, Larry and Bill, and before they enter St. Peter warns them "whatever you do don`t ever, ever, step on a duck. Once one quacks, they all do, and they make a terrible racket". Bob enters heaven and immediately steps on a duck. So an angel comes up to him and chains a l...
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joebee
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0
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807
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The Fairy Godmother
(Preview)
So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda p i s s ed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads.. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. He begs her: &quo...
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Firefly
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0
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833
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THE MEANING OF LIFE IN JUST 13 WORDS
(Preview)
Inside every old person Is a young person wondering WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED
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goinsoon
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0
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1100
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Are we SO wrong??
(Preview)
WHERE DID THE WHITE MAN GO WRONG? TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE . .... Tribal Elder Billy CokeBottle was asked by a white Government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done&q...
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Disco Duck
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1
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1038
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2010 contract;
(Preview)
After serious & cautious consideration... your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2010 It was a very hard decision to make... So try not to screw it up!!! My Wish for You in 2010 May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jean...
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justcruisin01
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4
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1106
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Two Crocodiles
(Preview)
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of Lake Burley Griffin in Canberra The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how You can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size As kids. I just don't get it.' 'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been e...
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Firefly
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3
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1112
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A Touching Question
(Preview)
A little boy says to his mother,"Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?" His mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!
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Disco Duck
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0
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805
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Bundy Rum
(Preview)
BUNDY RUM (Bundaberg Rum)...Queensland's famous product! Forget Jamacia or any other rubbish! For you o/seas people..a King Brown is one of the deadliest snakes on earth. Out of the top 10, Australia has 5. I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I...
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Firefly
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1
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1655
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Christmass gift disappointment
(Preview)
Youwouldn't read about it !I just spent$55 on a Tiger Woods DVD "My Favourate 18 Holes" and bugger me it's all about golf !
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justcruisin01
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2
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831
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Assorted X-mas One-Liners
(Preview)
A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said: Anyone want to buy a present?Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!I hope Santa brings me that mistletoe belt I asked for!I think that S...
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Gary and Kerry
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0
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951
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Santa's Bad Day
(Preview)
This may have been posted before, apologies if it has. One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was begin...
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Gary and Kerry
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0
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908
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Cinderella
(Preview)
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, 'Fairy G...
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Disco Duck
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0
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830
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The REAL Story!!
(Preview)
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning.... Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating myporridge?' he squeaks.. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks in...
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Disco Duck
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0
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813
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Trouble.
(Preview)
Soiled Bed Sheets! This should make you smile and one for the Nurses & Security Guards as well!! An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided...
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justcruisin01
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0
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729
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Ibbo's Wife's List
(Preview)
What I Want in a Man, My Original List: > 1. Handsome > 2. Charming > 3. Financially successful > 4. A caring listener > 5. Witty > 6. In good shape > 7.. Dresses with style > 8. Appreciates finer things > 9. Full of thoughtful surprises > 10. An imaginative, ro...
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Disco Duck
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0
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897
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Australian Clock
(Preview)
Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night,a drunk American led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on thewall. 'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friend's asked 'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Australian clo...
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Disco Duck
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0
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834
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OLD SAILOR.
(Preview)
An old retired sailor puts on his uniform and heads to the docks once more for old times' sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, ' How am I doing '? The prostitute replies, 'Well old sailor, you...
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justcruisin01
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0
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809
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