|
Blind or Stupid?
(Preview)
G'day ... I tried recently to rejoin the workforce. Here is my story ..... cheers .. CG After landing my new job as a Bunnings greeter, a good find for many retirees..... I lasted less than a day..... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked i...
|
Cruising Granny
|
4
|
1296
|
|
|
|
|
World Wide Survey
(Preview)
Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure because of the following: In Eastern Europe they didn't know what &...
|
jimricho
|
2
|
991
|
|
|
|
|
Cupboard
(Preview)
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realisi...
|
The Gnome
|
1
|
1166
|
|
|
|
|
Hanging Wright
(Preview)
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home...
|
jimricho
|
0
|
1093
|
|
|
|
|
Little girl on a plane
(Preview)
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'W...
|
Ma
|
1
|
1091
|
|
|
|
|
Business is Business
(Preview)
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex,...
|
Ma
|
1
|
1166
|
|
|
|
|
Wrong Again
(Preview)
Oh To Be 12 Again... A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. 'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he...
|
Wombat 280
|
2
|
1117
|
|
|
|
|
a very strange fact
(Preview)
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 > feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. > Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in > England , and English expatriates built the US railroads. > Why did the English build them like that...
|
dave06
|
3
|
1104
|
|
|
|
|
The Love Dress
(Preview)
THE LOVE DRESS A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. 'What are you doing?' she asked. '...
|
The Gnome
|
2
|
1107
|
|
|
|
|
PIRATE
(Preview)
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." Bartender: "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." Pirate: &qu...
|
Ole Grizzly
|
0
|
1047
|
|
|
|
|
Which Course
(Preview)
Four married guys go golfing.While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place: 1st Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wifethat I will paint every room in the house next weekend." 2nd Guy: "That's nothi...
|
The Gnome
|
0
|
945
|
|
|
|
|
Inner Peace
(Preview)
Inner Peace If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved on...
|
The Gnome
|
5
|
1291
|
|
|
|
|
Honeymoon Together
(Preview)
Peter and Larry get married in California . They couldn't afford a honeymoon, so, they go back to Peter's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.In the morning, Johnny, Peter's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks h...
|
Cruising Granny
|
1
|
952
|
|
|
|
|
Kids Writing About the Sea
(Preview)
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6) 3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all roun...
|
The Gnome
|
0
|
1095
|
|
|
|
|
Wacko Jacko
(Preview)
Theyve started already, 1. Micheal Jackson is dead. Hospital staff don't know what to do with the body as plastic recycling is not till next Tuesday 2. MJ has died. To commemorate his musical achievements, McDonalds have released the mcjackson burger. Its a 50 yr old piece of aged albino meat shoved...
|
The Gnome
|
4
|
1292
|
|
|
|
|
Hope this does not offend anyone lol
(Preview)
KIDS ARE GREAT GOTTA LOVE LITTLE BOYS Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for...
|
The Gnome
|
4
|
1182
|
|
|
|
|
Wordplay for Lexophiles
(Preview)
Wordplay for Lexophiles: 1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 2. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 4. To write with a broken penc...
|
The Gnome
|
2
|
1091
|
|
|
|
|
Heart Surgeon's Funeral
(Preview)
<!--
--> HEART SURGEON'S FUNERAL One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses. When the pastor finished the sermon and everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled...
|
The Gnome
|
0
|
862
|
|
|
|
|
Inner Peace to All
(Preview)
Meet a Buddhist monk last night after leaving the club. He said if I was to achieve inner peace I would need to finish things I started . So, I've now finished the bottle of red I opened last night , finished off the Bourbon along with the 6 pack of Tooheys and the last of the Valium and I now believe I'...
|
Wombat 280
|
1
|
892
|
|
|
|
|
Retirement Planning
(Preview)
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000.00. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Airlines stock you would have $49.00 left. But, if you had...
|
Dragonfly
|
2
|
1138
|
|
|
