A Bristol man who settled in to take a dump during the final days of Boris Johnson's tenure has exited the toilet blissfully unaware of Liz Truss's stint in office.
Coombe said he had looked back at the news to piece together a timeline of events. "By the looks of it I produced my first stool during the mini-budget, began wiping my arse when Kwasi Kwarteng resigned and had my trousers up by the time Liz Truss pulled the pin. I'd better go wash my hands before someone else resigns".
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"No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full."
A wilting 60p iceberg lettuce from Tesco in a blond wig has been crowned the winner of a bizarre competition after outlasting Liz Truss's tenuous grip on power.
Seven days ago the Daily Star set up a webcam on the lettuce to see if it would have a longer shelf-life than the prime minister. To add to Truss's humiliating resignation, the lettuce won.
__________________
"No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full."