Putin is sitting on the backseat of his car, while the driver goes through rural russia. The driver hits something, and goes to check.

"Vladimir Vladimirovich", the driver says. "We hit a farmers pig. It is dead."

"So? Let's get going."

"Sir, I will tell the farmers what has happened."

"Well make it quick."

Fifteen minutes later, the driver returns from the farmers house. He is carrying lots of fancy foods.

"What took you so long?"

"Well sir, the farmers wanted to gift me all these foods."

"Why? What did you say?", Putin asks.

"All I said to them was that I'm the driver of Putin and the pig is dead, I ran over the pig."

Putin is woken up by one of his generals.

The general says, "Vladimir Vladimirovich, the Ukrainians want to talk about surrender."

Putin replies, "Great! Get Zelensky on the phone with me."

The general asks, "What phone? They're right here!"

Putin dies and obviously goes to hell. After three years, for being such a bad guy, the Devil gives him a day back on Earth, anywhere he'd like.

Putin asks to go to his favourite bar in back in St. Petersburg.

He sits by the desk and after a while he can't help himself and asks the bartender "Is Ukraine ours?".

Sure, the bartender says.

Putin starts to feel happy. "How about Moldova?". That's ours too. "Oh, really? Tallinn, Riga, Vilnius?"

All ours, the bartender says. "Dare I even ask..Berlin?" It's ours, it's ours. "Paris, Madrid?" Sure, ours of course.

Full of joy Putin asks to pay. "That'll be 6 euros" says the bartender.