|
A sailor comes to port,
(Preview)
A sailor comes to port, and decides he really needs to get laid. So he walks into town, and sees a sign: Sisters of Mercy Convent & Brothel.He walks into what appears to be a church. Theres a nun sitting by a table near the door. She intuits what it is hes looking for, and says, put $5 in this tin cup and wa...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
816
|
|
|
|
|
The Cruise
(Preview)
DEAR DIARY - DAY 1 All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter - The Late Bloomers decided on this "all-girls" trip. It will be my first one - and I can't wait! -----------------------------------...
|
Magnarc
|
0
|
761
|
|
|
|
|
A new manager was hired...
(Preview)
The new manager walked all around the factory, inspecting his workers, when he came to a room where he saw someone slacking off, leaning against the wall. The manager hid behind a few pipes and watched the employee for 5 minutes. The person didn't move a muscle, so the manager approached him and ordere...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
789
|
|
|
|
|
A police officer in a small town
(Preview)
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain,"."Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back...""...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
883
|
|
|
|
|
Late again
(Preview)
"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Ranger."It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. D...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
780
|
|
|
|
|
The Undertaker
(Preview)
Bob an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye."What happened to you?" asked his wife."I had a terrible day" replied Bob. "I had to go to an hotel and pick up a man that had died in his sleep. When I arrived there, themanager said they couldn't get him into a body bag...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
1023
|
|
|
|
|
THIS OUGHT TO MAKE ALL GRANDPA'S FEEL WARM & FUZZY..
(Preview)
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room .... "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a fro...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
921
|
|
|
|
|
COURT REPORTERS
(Preview)
Subject: Fwd: Court Reporter Sent from Samsung tablet. How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment o...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
2
|
1195
|
|
|
|
|
A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing
(Preview)
A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"One worker stands up and yell...
|
Yarra
|
1
|
883
|
|
|
|
|
This is The Islamic States favourite car
(Preview)
|
Yarra
|
0
|
1109
|
|
|
|
|
GOLFERS
(Preview)
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 999 on his mobile, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. &q...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
0
|
871
|
|
|
|
|
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband
(Preview)
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident "The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's terrible!!! So many men dying that way!"Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
950
|
|
|
|
|
Safety Chain Connection
(Preview)
|
Redlander
|
3
|
1114
|
|
|
|
|
SEX AFTER 50
(Preview)
After nearly 40 years of marriage, Harvey was lying in bed one evening, when his wife felt Harvey begin to massage her in ways he hadnt in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and nec...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
2
|
1261
|
|
|
|
|
MORE PADDY LAUGHS
(Preview)
Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whisky. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!" Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choic...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
0
|
837
|
|
|
|
|
Kids notice the damnest things
(Preview)
A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?" "NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on...
|
D and D
|
0
|
948
|
|
|
|
|
Smiles - politically not very correct
(Preview)
Subject: Question - are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please." Prince Harry says he doesn't want the usual fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss; he's still going. ...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
0
|
873
|
|
|
|
|
ARE WE TH ONES WITH DEMENTIA MENTIA? ARE WE THE ONES WHO ARE AGING? REALLY?
(Preview)
ONE Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
2
|
1415
|
|
|
|
|
Little Johnny
(Preview)
A teacher asked the class to use the word fascinate in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating. The teacher said, That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not 'fascinating'. Sally raised her han...
|
Moorey
|
2
|
1004
|
|
|
|
|
A Drunk man
(Preview)
A drunk man is questioned by a police officer at midnight, asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health." Officer: Really....??? Sounds interesting, Who is giving that lecture at this time of ni...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
1039
|
|
|
