Just Joking

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I remember the time, when I was considerably younger.......... I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home, having scraped up just enough money to take her to a fancy Restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu: Prawn ****ktail, Lobster Patron, and champagne. I asked her, "D...

dING · dING

An old station hand named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in the outback when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni? suit, Gucci? shoes, RayBan? sunglasses and YSL? tie, leaned out the window and asked the old man, "...

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Lady goes to the doctor with the new baby. The doctor looks at the baby and says to the woman, this baby is under nurrished. Is the baby been feed. Of cause she says. The doctor says that he will have to examine her, can you strip down to the waist please. So the woman complys with his request. To his amazemen...

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming Sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly stared to fly south. In a short time ice began to from on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on t...

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Dear Madam, Our records show that you holding shares in the following Companies:- Metropolitan Water Co. LTD Metropolitan Gas Co. LTD Union can Company LTD British Perforated Tissue paper NL Due to uncertain conditions of the market at present. We would like to advise you to sit on your Union Can,...

rockylizard · rockylizard

A tourist stopped at a country store and noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the door. Inside, he saw a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

"Dear," asked a wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband....

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Newly weds take off on their honeymoon for a week they will never forget. They made love every day, twice a day. The honeymoon over, they started their new life she as the homemaker, he the bread winner. On his first day back at work, he arrives home from work. The wife ask's what would you like for dinn...

rockylizard · rockylizard

TechnoGypsy · TechnoGypsy

Outsmarting the Doctor.... An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor Young, who was positive t...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

1. I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue : 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall' -Eleanor Roosevelt. 2. I was married by a Judge..I should have asked for a Jury. -Groucho Marx 3. My wife has a slight impediment in her spee...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

An oldie but worth repeating.... A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle is loud mouthing how lazy British Truck drivers are. He's bragging that he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, then Belgium and up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in just 2 days. This old timer Geordie lis...

The Doo crew · The Doo crew

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of hisfather as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your haircut. Then we'll talk about the car."...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

No 10. Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth sir. No 9. Golfer: "Tell me honestly, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes.....You miss the ball much closer now sir". No 8. G...

Karmics · Karmics

A man who, for years, drank too much, eventually had a confrontational discussion with his wife who said to him ?I?ve had enough of this. If you come home drunk one more time I?m leaving you?. A few days later he found himself the worse for drink (again) in his local pub. Retuning to the bar having visited...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was shocked, confused, bewildered As I entered Heaven's Door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights of its décor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me splutter and gasp-- The thieves, the liars, the sinners, The alcoholics and trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade Who swiped my lun...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

DEAR DIARY-DAY 1. All packed up for the cruise ship---all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets,...really really exciting... Our Women's Group...'The Late Bloomers'...decided on this all- girls trip of a lifetime...it will be my first one..and I can't wait!! DEAR DIARY - DAY 2. Entire day at...

Gundog · Gundog

The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office. The ATO auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm n...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, ...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord explained , "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will a...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Ahhh, the sweet days of our youth!!...a tad P/Incorrect. (Preview) I remember the time, when I was considerably younger.......... I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home, having scraped up just enough money to take her to a fancy Restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu: Prawn ****ktail, Lobster Patron, and champagne. I asked her, "D...	Goldfinger	1	936	12:20 AM May 6, 2015 by Joe50
	the farmer (Preview) An old station hand named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in the outback when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni? suit, Gucci? shoes, RayBan? sunglasses and YSL? tie, leaned out the window and asked the old man, "...	dING	2	1034	11:42 PM May 5, 2015 by Myrlin
	Under nurrished Baby (Preview) Lady goes to the doctor with the new baby. The doctor looks at the baby and says to the woman, this baby is under nurrished. Is the baby been feed. Of cause she says. The doctor says that he will have to examine her, can you strip down to the waist please. So the woman complys with his request. To his amazemen...	Hey Jim	0	747	11:38 PM May 4, 2015 by Hey Jim
	IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY (Preview) Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming Sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly stared to fly south. In a short time ice began to from on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on t...	Hey Jim	0	946	11:09 PM May 4, 2015 by Hey Jim
	Private And Confidential Letter from our Stock Brokers (Preview) Dear Madam, Our records show that you holding shares in the following Companies:- Metropolitan Water Co. LTD Metropolitan Gas Co. LTD Union can Company LTD British Perforated Tissue paper NL Due to uncertain conditions of the market at present. We would like to advise you to sit on your Union Can,...	Hey Jim	0	674	10:47 PM May 4, 2015 by Hey Jim
	Dangerous Dog (Preview) A tourist stopped at a country store and noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the door. Inside, he saw a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "...	rockylizard	0	882	08:21 AM May 4, 2015 by rockylizard
	Will you remarry when I die (Preview) "Dear," asked a wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband....	Woody n Sue	2	909	11:06 PM May 3, 2015 by KFT
	Just Married (Preview) Newly weds take off on their honeymoon for a week they will never forget. They made love every day, twice a day. The honeymoon over, they started their new life she as the homemaker, he the bread winner. On his first day back at work, he arrives home from work. The wife ask's what would you like for dinn...	Hey Jim	0	820	10:46 PM May 3, 2015 by Hey Jim
	...... (Preview)	rockylizard	0	920	08:49 AM May 3, 2015 by rockylizard
	Outsmarting the Doctor.... (Preview) Outsmarting the Doctor.... An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor Young, who was positive t...	TechnoGypsy	0	792	01:00 PM May 2, 2015 by TechnoGypsy
	Brilliant musings of some well-known people...... (Preview) 1. I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue : 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall' -Eleanor Roosevelt. 2. I was married by a Judge..I should have asked for a Jury. -Groucho Marx 3. My wife has a slight impediment in her spee...	Goldfinger	0	1215	09:43 PM Apr 30, 2015 by Goldfinger
	German HGV Driver.... (Preview) An oldie but worth repeating.... A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle is loud mouthing how lazy British Truck drivers are. He's bragging that he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, then Belgium and up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in just 2 days. This old timer Geordie lis...	Goldfinger	0	693	09:05 PM Apr 30, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Teenager wants a car (Preview) A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of hisfather as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your haircut. Then we'll talk about the car."...	The Doo crew	0	663	11:41 AM Apr 30, 2015 by The Doo crew
	Ten Best Caddy Responses...some gems. (Preview) No 10. Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth sir. No 9. Golfer: "Tell me honestly, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes.....You miss the ball much closer now sir". No 8. G...	Goldfinger	0	865	05:56 PM Apr 29, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Drunk again? (Preview) A man who, for years, drank too much, eventually had a confrontational discussion with his wife who said to him ?I?ve had enough of this. If you come home drunk one more time I?m leaving you?. A few days later he found himself the worse for drink (again) in his local pub. Retuning to the bar having visited...	Karmics	0	747	12:03 PM Apr 29, 2015 by Karmics
	A lovely thought provoking poem....... (Preview) I was shocked, confused, bewildered As I entered Heaven's Door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights of its décor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me splutter and gasp-- The thieves, the liars, the sinners, The alcoholics and trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade Who swiped my lun...	Goldfinger	0	787	11:48 AM Apr 29, 2015 by Goldfinger
	The Women's Group..First Cruise... (Preview) DEAR DIARY-DAY 1. All packed up for the cruise ship---all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets,...really really exciting... Our Women's Group...'The Late Bloomers'...decided on this all- girls trip of a lifetime...it will be my first one..and I can't wait!! DEAR DIARY - DAY 2. Entire day at...	Goldfinger	0	747	11:32 AM Apr 29, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Grandpa and the Australian Taxation Office (Preview) The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office. The ATO auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm n...	Gundog	3	1025	02:46 PM Apr 28, 2015 by grahos
	Ohhh this hurts (Preview) A woman gives birth to a baby and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, ...	Woody n Sue	0	708	12:51 PM Apr 28, 2015 by Woody n Sue
	Good News Bad News (Preview) One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord explained , "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will a...	Woody n Sue	0	603	09:06 PM Apr 27, 2015 by Woody n Sue
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