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CHANGING IDENTITIES
(Preview)
Clany and Blue were travelling in the outback when their car broke down. They could see a light burning in the distance and so they approached a farm house. It was owned by a beautiful but lonely widow named Matilda. About nine months later Clancy rang his mate Blue and asked "Do you remember that n...
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INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT SEX:
(Preview)
Global Facts . . . At Any Given Moment: FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now. FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing. FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex. FACT: 1 old Grey Nomad is reading jokes on this forum You hang in there, Sunshine . .. -- Edited by jimricho on Thursday 30th of Jul...
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jimricho
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Paddy's fingers
(Preview)
Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital. The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'. Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got da fingers.' 'Whadda ya mean you haven'...
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jimricho
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Business Lesson
(Preview)
Kevin wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else... One day, Kevin got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO. Kevin said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend d...
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The Gnome
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833
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Beware
(Preview)
Note Found on the Refrigerator One Morning: My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the f...
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Golf Lesson
(Preview)
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? Wh...
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The Gnome
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GOLF PANTIES
(Preview)
GOLF PANTIES The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swed...
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The Gnome
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The Gay Flight Attendant
(Preview)
THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be land...
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3 BLONDES
(Preview)
Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?" The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a fold...
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sgntbilko
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Political Joke
(Preview)
This is a joke about the jokes that get elected. Just substitute the names if it doesn't suit your political view. On a bitterly cold morning in Canberra, Mr Rudd is being chauffeured to Parliament House. It is so cold that Lake Burley Griffin is frozen over. As he jumps out of the limo Kevin looks over th...
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EULOGY BY STEVIE WONDER
(Preview)
A Powerful Message from Stevie Wonder on Michael Jacksons Death ....... .. .. .. . . . . . .. .. . .. .. . .. ... .. ... ... ... ... .... ...... ... ... ... ..... ... . . . .. .. . . .. .... ... .... .... ... .. .... .... .... ..... ..... ..... .. . . .... .... .. . . ...
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Ma
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The Banana Test
(Preview)
The Banana Test There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals, a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree. Who do you guess will win? Your answer will reflect your personality. So think carefully . .. . Try...
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The Gnome
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Aussie Ventriloquist in NZ
(Preview)
An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi 'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?' Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.' Ventriloquist: 'Hell...
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Audit
(Preview)
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm n...
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The Gnome
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Blonde Joke - Painting the Porch
(Preview)
A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman', and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs that she could do. " Wel...
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jimricho
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The Bitch
(Preview)
Who Put The Dog Out ... A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, but just needed to put the dog out when the taxi arrives. However as the couple walked out of the house, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi...
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Cruising Granny
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NATIONAL SECURITY
(Preview)
National Security Levels...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................T...
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Ma
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the Irish Bagpiper....
(Preview)
As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there. As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I beca...
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Basil Faulty
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NEVER TELL THE KIDS TO SHUT UP BEFORE THEY TELL THE WHOLE STORY
(Preview)
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in apassionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home andstarted to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I w...
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Ma
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ANOTHER BLONDE JOKE
(Preview)
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl diggin...
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