Just Joking

twobob · twobob

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my jeans, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the rig, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was hail mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 km. I pulled back into the g...

twobob · twobob

A lot of people can't understand how we came to have an OIL shortage in our country. Well, there's actually a simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the OIL. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely GEOGRAPHICAL. Our OIL is located in, Bass Straight, East Queensland Shale...

twobob · twobob

It's not easy being old AND dyslexic... only yesterday I got my Viagra mixed up with my sleeping pills and ended up having forty w a n k s!!! -- Edited by twobob at 12:55, 2009-02-01

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

A Department of Water representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation.' The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't go in that field over there.' The water representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federa...

Basil Faulty · Basil Faulty

In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as 'British Weather.' Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim...

twobob · twobob

Keep up with the latest "ASSICONS?", confuse the kids while texting Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_*_) a sore ass {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that's been around (_x_) kiss my ass (_X_) leave my ass alone (_zzz_) a tired ass (_E=mc2_) a smart ass (_$_) Money...

twobob · twobob

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was...

twobob · twobob

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. 'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distanc...

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

Two crocs living in a billabong in the NT One is 3 mts the other 7.5. The smaller one asked the big one Why are you so big and Im so small We were born in the same year and lived here in the same water all our lives so why Big Croc thinks on it for a minute or two , Your right same birth year same water hol...

Roostertales · Roostertales

A Retirees Thought My wife said, "Whatcha doin today?" I said, "Nothing." She said, "You did that yesterday." I said, "I wasn't finished." !

lynnenbarry · lynnenbarry

One sunny day in January, 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine looked at the man and said...

dave06 · dave06

a feller was out hunting bear when he came across a huge one just across the way, he took aim but in his haste only nicked the bears ear the bear, very angry at this stage, chased the man who headed straight for the protection of his cabin and his freind waiting inside, in his haste he tripped over the doorst...

Gary and Kerry · Gary and Kerry

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else i n the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello?" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"...

dave06 · dave06

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' 'Well,' Gr...

dave06 · dave06

> >> > A refuse collector is driving along a street picking up the > >> > wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor. > >> > He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left > >> > out, and in the spirit of kindness, > >> > and after...

Gary and Kerry · Gary and Kerry

LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter. LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie. DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute. HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys. WINDOW:...

Gary and Kerry · Gary and Kerry

A man and his wife were celebrating together 50 years ! Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner intheir honour. 'Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,' gushed son number one ... 'Sorry I'mrunning late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, youknow how it is, and di...

rowdy · rowdy

THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY WAS HOLDING A SEMINAR ON THE SUPERNATURAL THE GUEST SPEAKER STOOD AND ADDRESED THE AUDIENCE. "BEFORE I BEGIN " HE SAID, I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU "DOES ANY ONE HERE BELIEVE THEY HAVE SEEN A GHOST". ABOUT HALF THE AUDIENCE...

Gary and Kerry · Gary and Kerry

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole,...

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

Is this bloke for real , his actions are akin to looking down the barrel of loaded automatic and pulling the trigger . Just came back from the Mandorah pub and sure the fish tank needs something in it but a king brown. Don't think so.

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	got caught fishing (Preview) Saturday morning I got up early, put on my jeans, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the rig, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was hail mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 km. I pulled back into the g...	twobob	0	1196	11:24 PM Feb 2, 2009 by twobob
	Fuel prices (Preview) A lot of people can't understand how we came to have an OIL shortage in our country. Well, there's actually a simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the OIL. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely GEOGRAPHICAL. Our OIL is located in, Bass Straight, East Queensland Shale...	twobob	0	1119	11:12 PM Feb 2, 2009 by twobob
	Another Senior moment - gotta love em (Preview) It's not easy being old AND dyslexic... only yesterday I got my Viagra mixed up with my sleeping pills and ended up having forty w a n k s!!! -- Edited by twobob at 12:55, 2009-02-01	twobob	3	1125	07:40 PM Feb 2, 2009 by Wombat 280
	Card Carrying Won't Help (Preview) A Department of Water representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation.' The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't go in that field over there.' The water representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federa...	Wombat 280	0	1035	07:39 PM Feb 2, 2009 by Wombat 280
	British weather... (Preview) In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as 'British Weather.' Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim...	Basil Faulty	3	1316	04:43 PM Feb 2, 2009 by Basil Faulty
	Staying ahead in the new age - no joke just amusing (Preview) Keep up with the latest "ASSICONS?", confuse the kids while texting Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_*_) a sore ass {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that's been around (_x_) kiss my ass (_X_) leave my ass alone (_zzz_) a tired ass (_E=mc2_) a smart ass (_$_) Money...	twobob	0	1191	01:40 PM Feb 1, 2009 by twobob
	Ladies - do not try this at home (Preview) My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was...	twobob	1	1526	01:06 PM Feb 1, 2009 by Pam
	More Seniors - thinking all the time (Preview) A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. 'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distanc...	twobob	0	1255	11:13 AM Feb 1, 2009 by twobob
	You Are What You Eat (Preview) Two crocs living in a billabong in the NT One is 3 mts the other 7.5. The smaller one asked the big one Why are you so big and Im so small We were born in the same year and lived here in the same water all our lives so why Big Croc thinks on it for a minute or two , Your right same birth year same water hol...	Wombat 280	0	1332	10:35 AM Jan 30, 2009 by Wombat 280
	Thought for today and beyond ! (Preview) A Retirees Thought My wife said, "Whatcha doin today?" I said, "Nothing." She said, "You did that yesterday." I said, "I wasn't finished." !	Roostertales	0	989	10:13 AM Jan 30, 2009 by Roostertales
	Goodbye Mr Bush LOL (Preview) One sunny day in January, 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine looked at the man and said...	lynnenbarry	0	1123	08:32 PM Jan 24, 2009 by lynnenbarry
	the bear and the moose (Preview) a feller was out hunting bear when he came across a huge one just across the way, he took aim but in his haste only nicked the bears ear the bear, very angry at this stage, chased the man who headed straight for the protection of his cabin and his freind waiting inside, in his haste he tripped over the doorst...	dave06	0	1150	03:15 PM Jan 20, 2009 by dave06
	Wonderful Husband (Preview) Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else i n the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello?" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"...	Gary and Kerry	0	1136	07:32 AM Jan 20, 2009 by Gary and Kerry
	married for 50 years (Preview) A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' 'Well,' Gr...	dave06	0	1239	12:52 PM Jan 19, 2009 by dave06
	where ya bin (Preview) > >> > A refuse collector is driving along a street picking up the > >> > wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor. > >> > He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left > >> > out, and in the spirit of kindness, > >> > and after...	dave06	2	1462	02:50 PM Jan 18, 2009 by dave06
	A bit of Aussie culcha – Aussie Outback Microsoft lessons... (Preview) LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter. LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie. DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute. HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys. WINDOW:...	Gary and Kerry	1	1308	11:34 AM Jan 10, 2009 by Pam
	50 Years Together (Preview) A man and his wife were celebrating together 50 years ! Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner intheir honour. 'Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,' gushed son number one ... 'Sorry I'mrunning late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, youknow how it is, and di...	Gary and Kerry	1	1515	07:34 AM Jan 10, 2009 by drongo & wendy
	A GHOST STORY (Preview) THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY WAS HOLDING A SEMINAR ON THE SUPERNATURAL THE GUEST SPEAKER STOOD AND ADDRESED THE AUDIENCE. "BEFORE I BEGIN " HE SAID, I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU "DOES ANY ONE HERE BELIEVE THEY HAVE SEEN A GHOST". ABOUT HALF THE AUDIENCE...	rowdy	0	1193	11:43 PM Jan 9, 2009 by rowdy
	Another Blonde Joke (Preview) Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole,...	Gary and Kerry	2	1335	06:45 PM Jan 9, 2009 by JRH
	Shallow End of the Gene Pool (Preview) Is this bloke for real , his actions are akin to looking down the barrel of loaded automatic and pulling the trigger . Just came back from the Mandorah pub and sure the fish tank needs something in it but a king brown. Don't think so.	Wombat 280	3	1333	08:10 PM Jan 6, 2009 by dave06
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